I Am Broken
by Superschwiizer
Summary: Alfred's eyes widened even more as he saw the bandages on his brother's tiny wrist. He took a step towards the Canadian, afraid to touch him lest he break.  "Mattie…?"  "Welcome home,  Al…"  Yaoi USCAN, USBEL, FRUK  WARNING: Yaoi and Bad Cutting
1. Prologue: The Routine

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE HETALIA CHARACTERS! THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CREATORS!**

**Rating: M (For future chapters)**  
**Pairing: USCAN (Human names used.)**  
**YAOI AND AMERICEST. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ.**

* * *

"Why can't you just listen to me for once?"

"You don't own me, old man!"

The small blonde in the kitchen flinched, recognizing the sounds of his brother and Dad fighting. He should be used to it by now but he obviously never will be. 'Oh Alfred…' he though sadly, setting dishes into the washer with precise, yet shaking, hands. 'Why must you always argue? Dad is right…you should listen to him more…' He ran a hand through his wavy blonde hair before placing his glasses down on the countertop to rub his eyes.  
He knew that, any moment now, his brother will come down and demand that he take him somewhere. It was there routine almost every weekend. Dad and Alfred would fight, and then he'd come down and demand that his brother take him somewhere. It was only natural.  
Sighing, the violet eyed boy sat down and waited. Waited for the sound of his brother's footsteps; waited for the angry American huffing; waited for his one and only beloved brother.

"Mattie!" Alfred shouted for his brother, storming down the stairs two at a time. Jolted from his thoughts, Mathieu looked up in surprise. This happened every time too, Mathieu easily was becoming startled by his brothers shouting.

"Mattie, let's go," Alfred grabbed his arm, pulling him from the chair and towards the garage door. There was the second step, the garage door and then the car.

"A-Alfred? Where…where are we going?" the small Canadian boy stammered nervously, grabbing his car keys and prized stuffed polar bear.

Alfred didn't answer, only took his brothers keys before pushing the shorter blonde into the car. "Come on. I'll drive since you don't have your glasses."

The Canadian just stared up at his American brother, feeling this time something was different; that like was wrong. Alfred never offered to drive; Mathieu was always the one who was to drive. It was routine. He decided not to question it, buckling himself in as Alfred started the car and drove off.

Maybe he'll talk to him if he's patient.

* * *

Alfred finally parked the car at Silverweed Park nearly an hour later. Leaning back in his seat, he glanced over at Mattie who gazed back at him shyly. He closed his eyes and stretched, putting his arms under his head.

"Al-Alfred…?"

"Hm?"

"What….what happened…?" Mattie played with his stuffed bears paws gently, smiling as it let out a cut "Who are you?" It had been a gag gift two years ago from Alfred, but he couldn't bear to part with it for anything. He even named it Mr Kimajirou, though he usually got the name wrong and Alfred had to correct him.

Alfred was silent for a long time before he spoke; Mathieu almost thought he had fallen asleep.

"Dad was disappointed in my grades and choice of girlfriends." Alfred scoffed, missing Mathieu's obvious flinch at the word 'Girlfriends.' "Apparently, Natalia is too much of a 'slut' to be with one of Dad's kids." He air quoted dramatically before letting his hands drop into his lap again.

"Oh…"

"Ya'know what, Mattie? If you never get a girl then people will think you play for the other team!" Alfred laughed, not realizing how hard his words actually hit home.

Mathieu remained silently gazing out the passenger side window, trying to not feel pain at his brother's words. He didn't mean it to be offensive or hurtful; he didn't even know what he was saying.

Mathieu had been aware of his sexuality for a long time now. Growing up with too fathers almost assured that he would 'play for the other team', as Alfred so eloquently put it. But it was obvious that Alfred hadn't been born like Mathieu, gay. Dieu, he hated that word. It made him feel as if he was the opposite of that words true meaning.

And as he gazed over at his brothers sleeping form, he realized that he would always be that way.

"…Let's go home, Alfred…"

* * *

They arrived back home around two hours later; Alfred had wanted, no, demanded that Mathieu buy him a cheeseburger. One cheeseburger had become two, then three, then eight. But this was normal; this was routine.

Almost immediately after stepping out of the car and slamming the doors shut, Mathieu heard their Papa calling for them. This was normal to; this was routine.

"Alfred~ Mathieu~ Why is you Daddy so mad~! Explain to Papa!" Francis ran down the steps of the house, arms outstretched to embrace his sons. Alfred was lucky enough to sidestep the flamboyant Frenchman. Mathieu was not so lucky, unlucky enough to get the full force of his father's affection; this affection was the very thing that nearly knocked the small Canadian boy back onto his arse.

"I pissed him off again, no surprise there." Alfred brushed past them, stomping up the steps of the house.  
"Alfred~!" Francis called to him to no avail, seeing as how the boy simply ignored him.

"Come on, Papa… Let…lets go inside…"Mathieu murmured softly, moving away from Francis' grip. He bowed his head shyly as he spoke, but that's okay. That was completely normal for Mathieu.

Francis huffed in his stereotypical French way and lead the way after his younger (by only two days, mind you) son.

Mathieu remained outside for a while, simply gazing up at the old, Victorian style house. This place filled with so many memories; happy and sad, full of love and anger, was what his home was.

As he stepped within the comforting walls, the one voice he loved the most called out his name from the kitchen; where this entire day had begun and was destined to end.

"Mattie! Get in here and help me before Dad kills me!"

"I won't kill you; I'll simply maim you so you can't ride that beloved skateboard anymore!"

"That's so cruel! Mattiiiie! Come here!"

Mathieu smiled softly as he made his way into the kitchen, watching his Dad and brother fight as Papa simply stood by and watched in amusement.

"Hello to you, too, Al…"

* * *

**First prologue of my first fanfic done! HOORAY! *dances around to Swedish music***  
**I am so excited I have to start working on revising the first two chapters!**  
**Thank you for reading and please review!**

**Love,**  
**Superschwiizer  
P.S. This will not be updated on any specific schedule, so please bear with me. It will probably be very long, as well. Thank you for understanding!**


	2. Chapter 1: Breaking Routine

** OKAY PEOPLE THE REAL FIRST CHAPTER IS UP!**

**I know I wasn't going to rush this but...I just had to get the second chapter out. I just did some editing but I don't have a beta so pelase tell me if anything is wrong and I'll try to fix it!**

**Canada/America: Superschwiizer does not own anything but the plot!**

**ON WITH THE FANFICTION!**

* * *

Maybe it was a sign. A sign that he should leave, just run. But where could he go? He had no friends; no other family. He had nowhere to go that would want him, tolerate him, love him. Was his life truly this lonely?

Mathieu lay on his bed, alone, delicately handling the razor in his hands. Alfred had gone out again that night after fighting with Dad, bringing back his girlfriend, Natalia, home with him just a few hours before. Her cackling laughter had triggered something in Mathieu, something that made him want to cry and scream and hurt. He could easily guess what they were going, it was surprising his parents hadn't awaken yet.

The Belarusian girl was not exactly to quietest lover in the world, that was for sure.

He should be feeling happy for his brother…right? Be happy that he is loved…? He should be, that's what a good brother would do. But he doesn't feel happy for Alfred; he feels a deep set pain within the depths of his soul that has always been there and has just kept growing and growing over time.

Maybe he was broken? Just that was born broken and will always be broken; never to be loved enough to become fixed.

Mathieu's breath caught in his throat as he finally brought the razor to his wrist, but his hand just froze there. "Come on, you coward…" he hissed under his breath, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. "Do it…do it…" A sob finally escaped from his throat and the tears started to flow. He flung the razor inside his bedside drawer and slammed it shut.

'Why can't I just do it…? I've done it before… It's what is routine…' He rested his head on the pillow, laying on his stomach so his head was facing to the side.

He decided that, tonight, he would just bask in the numbness that wouldn't allow him to harm himself. He decided he would simply embraced the unadulterated sounds of sex coming from his brother's adjacent room.

He deserved this, this torture or not being loved. He deserved every freaking tear and ignored moment in his life.

A single tear ran down Mathieu's cheel. "I am broken…" he whispered softly before slipping into a dreamless, fitful sleep.

* * *

Mathieu woke up before anyone else, as usual. He lifted his hands and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Sitting up, he dropped his hands to his lap and stared at them. It was ahrd to believe that these petite hands nearly sliced his wrists up for the second time that week. "That reminds me…" he whispered, gazing at the bandages on his wrists. "I need to change these…"

Finally gathering the strength, he rose from his bed and mades his way into his and Alfred's shared bathroom. Turning on the pristine white shower to the highest setting possible, he slipped out of his maple leaf printed pyjamas. Tossing those into a heap, he peeled the bandages off, hissing as the bandages stuck to the cuts and pulled.

Mathieu finally stepped into the scalding water, barely noticing its hissing and burning at his skin. He grabbed a sponge and began scrubbing his skin with its peach smelling soap.

Scrubbing away his impurities, his thoughts, his pain, his homosexuality.

Everything.

But no matter how hot the water; he was still unclean, dirty. No matter how hard he scrubbed, he was still there, till Mathieu.

Mathieu finally gave up and quickly washed his hair with the apple scented suds. He hoped that at least the fruity scent would take his disgustingly dirty scent away.

He rinsed off and turned the water off before stepping out of the shower and wrapping himself in a fluffy white towel. He took another and quickly dryed his hair with it, blowing a lock of hair from in front of his face. Dropping the second towel in the dirty clothes along with his pyjamas, he walked back into his room to get dressed.

Silently Mathieu hoped, while slipping into a pair of just-baggy-enough skinny jeans and a red shirt with a white maple leaf on the front, that Natalia would not be there still when he went down to make everyone breakfast.

He didn't need his day ruined just yet.

Mathieu could already tell his hopes ahd not been fulfilled. The sound of Natalia's cackling traveled up the stairs as he traveled down them. Almost as if her laugh itself wanted to make him feel uncomfortable.

As he stepped into the kitchen, he was met by his extremely excited brother. "Mattie! Guess what! Guess What!" Alfred nearly shouted into the Canadian's face, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him slightly.

"Qu…qu'est-ce…?"

"Natalia is going to be staying with us until her parents and Ivan get back from Russia! Who knows when they'll get back!" Alfred was beaming at his brother, happier than Mathieu had seen him since their last birthday party. "Isn't this just so great?"

Mathieu just stared at him, just barely glancing to his left and over his brother's shoulder. The said Belarusian gazed back at him.

Natalia stared coldly back at him with a cruel childlike smile the Braginski family was famous for. "This will be fun, da?"

Mathieu glanced at his brother again. Alfred gazed back down at him, worry evident in his sky blue eyes to Mathieu and Mathieu alone. So he smiled slightly and nodded.

Alfred let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, relief flooding his body.

Natalia simply rolled her eyes, pursing her lips in annoyance. "Good. Now, make yourself useful and fix us breakfast. You don't want these luscious curves to vanish, do you?" To emphasize her words, she ran her hands down her curves fromh er breasts to rest dangerously on her hips.

Mathieu didn't miss the look Alfred gave Natalia. Nor did he miss how easily he was then ignored by his only brother. Sighing in resignation, he made his way to the stove.

As sounds of flirting, bickering and kissing filled the medium sized kitchen, Mathieu murmured only one phrase to himself.

"I am broken…"

* * *

Laughter and yelling filled the pristine white halls of Hetalia Gakuen Academy, smothering the small Canadian to one side. Why did he even come here? It's not like anyone wanted him to be here. It's not like he had any friends to worry about him here. No one wanted him here, and he was convinced they never would.

As he walked through the hallways, he spotted his brother. The American boy beckoned him over. Noting that Natalia was nowhere to be seen, Mathieu made his way over to Alfred. Alfred stood grinning at him brightly, blonde hair a mess as always and his left glasses lens slightly smudged. Mathieu sighed softly and lifted the glasses off his brother's nose, polishing them gently with a cloth he kept in his bag. He gently swept it over the lens, concentrating on this simple act instead of his brother.

"What's up, Mattie? You seem…off today." Alfred gazed down at in concern, trying in vain to catch the smaller of the two's eyes.

Mathieu shook his head, smiling downwards slightly at his hands. "Nothing is wrong, Al." He leaned up slightly, placing the now clean glasses carefully on his brother's nose. He dropped his hands quickly to his sides after that, trying his hardest not to notice the concern in his brother's eyes.

"You don't seem okay. You can tell me everything you know," He used his right thumb to point at himself, grinning broadly and goofily. "I'm the hero, after all!" This statement just caused Mathieu to roll his eyes, smiling at the statement. His brother sure did have a hero complex, but that's okay since he had a brother complex.

"You are not the hero and I swear everything is fine." It was sickening to do this, lie through his teeth, but it had to be done. He couldn't tell his brother what was wrong. Not ever; not unless he was forced at knife point to do so.

Alfred wasn't convinced but he backed down, not wanting to make his brother feel pressured into telling him anything he didn't want to. He gazed down at the little Canadian; trying to read his mind through the violet seas he called eyes. Swirling emotions filled his body, ones of love and fear and anxiety and…lust. He couldn't explain it but at that moment, he wanted to pull Mathieu into his arms and screw the rest of the world. It was just him and Mattie who mattered.

He shook his head, clearing the thoughts. What the hell was he thinking? Someone must have slipped him something last night, something that made him think strange things about his own brother.

It was Mathieu's turn to ask if he was okay, noticing in his brothers blue eyes the confusion. "Al…? Are you…okay?" Alfred grinned at him, masking his emotions perfectly. "Yeah! Of course I am! I'm too awesome to feel bad!" And with that, he spun on his heel just as the bell rang and left Mathieu to his thoughts.

Mathieu stood there, feeling completely and utterly confused. Simply sighing, he made his way to his first class. Hopefully he wouldn't be late.

* * *

Dieu, this was already not his day. Immediately after he started walking to French, he was shoved into a classroom by the throng of people. Resigning to just catching his breath and being late, his lungs were suddenly filled with the pungent smoke of cigars.

Screwing his face up in disgust, he covered his nose and mouth to block the killing smoke.

"Oi! What are you doing in here?" a voice thick with accent called to him through the smoke, obvious not happy with the young Canadian for being there.

Mathieu looked up fast, instantly shrinking away from the towering man before him. He quite obviously was Cuban, with his tanned skin and dark dread-ponytail. To complete his intimidating presence, he had a cigarette in his left hand, placed perfectly between his first and middle finger.

"Well?" the Cuban man grunted gruffly, taking a long drag from his cigarette before exhaling it into Mathieu's face.

Violet eyes watering, Mathieu answered him, "I…I got shoved in here by the crowd..." He coughed softly in his into the wrist of his sleeve, avoiding eye contact with the intimidating man.

Said man remained staring down at him, dropping the cigarette and stepping it out before extending a hand out to Mathieu. "The names Ismael."

Mathieu blinked in surprised, no ever introduced themselves to him. Unsure of what to do, he timidly shook Ismael's hand. "I...I'm Mathieu..."

Ismael's handshake was perfect, firm and unafraid, dropping both their arms at the perfect time. "So, Mathieu," he smirked at him, not unkindly. "Why do you look so much like that Alfred Jones kid?"

"He's...uhmm...he's my brother..." Mathieu was startled by this sudden question. Did Ismael and his brother know each other? Where they friends? _Oh please don't let them be enemies!_ He thought frantically, suddenly extremely worried.

"Oh, I see." Ismael glared down at Mathieu for a while before shrugging. He decided that the boy was nothing like his asshole brother. He was okay. "You seem like an okay guy, you wanna hang out sometime?" he leant against the wall from the smaller boy, anticipating his reaction.

Mathieu was taken back, once again, at this unexpected question. It really was such a question; no one ever asks him that, though. This wasn't routine; this wasn't normal.

"O-okay..." he finally was about to stammer out with a soft blush and smile, twirling his protruding curl nervously.

"Alright, awesome." Ismael grinned at Mathieu, walking over to the door the Canadian was still standing by. "See you later than, Mathieu." He flashed him another grin just as the first bell rang, slipping out into the hallway and sea of people.

Mathieu stood in place for a while. He finally shook his head and hurried off to French, the first class of his routine day. But this day was already getting off to be strange. What else would happen?

"Definitely not routine."

* * *

**Wow! In jsut one day I got so many favourites, subscriptions and even a couple of reviews! *throws confetti and dances happily***

**Zelda-FF: OMG YOU ARE MY VERY FIRST REVIEWER! DO YOU REALIZE HOW SPECIAL THIS MAKES YOU? *hands you a cookie* Thank you so much for your kind words and I hope this chapter doesn't seem to rushed, I was writing it when feeling some very strong emotions but, pelase, do enjoy. :)**

**REVIEW EVERYONE! I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!**

**~Superschwiizer**


	3. Chapter 2: What Mattie Saw

**CHAPTER TWO YAY! I'm very, very proud of this chapter but it hurt so bad to write.**

**WARNING: Self Mutilation**

**Read on!**

* * *

The entire day had been absolute hell for Mathieu. First, he was late to French and was called out be Madame Seychelles. That had been the first bout of hell to enter his day since he had never been fond of being the centre of attention. Second, the water fountain on the second floor next to the AP Chemistry room had absolutely attacked him; drenching him from the chest down. Third, he was now late, once again, for lunch because of his need to change clothes.

Dieu… This was just the first half of the day. Who knows what hell life would throw at him next.

Mathieu finally made it to the cafeteria nearly halfway through lunch, managing to slip inside almost invisibly. He sat at his usual table, round, off in one corner and away from the prying eyes of his peers; more importantly, away from his brother and Natalia.

He glanced over at said brother, watching Alfred pull Natalia onto his lap. Mathieu could never fathom how his brother could fall for someone like Natalia. She was mean, rude, crude, slightly overweight and an overall not nice person! Alfred could get someone better. He deserved someone better. Someone that loves him wants him to be happy and treats him so well; someone who knows everything about him.

Someone like himself.

Mathieu shook his head slightly at the thought before realizing his brother was watching him back. Quickly averting his eyes, he began nibbling on his sandwich. He felt his face heating up from that one shared look with Alfred.

Dieu, what was wrong with him? Why did he keep thinking such strange things about his brother? Sure, he's gay but Alfred is his brother. Okay. Maybe not by blood but it was still wrong, wasn't it?

Mathieu quickly glanced over at Alfred once more and suddenly felt a pang of sorrow deep within his heart.

Why did seeing his brother happy make him so sad?

* * *

Alfred had watched his brother from the minute the little violet eyed blonde had walked in the crappy rectangular room the school dared called a cafeteria, a room of higher eating. For some strange reason, the look in Mathieu's eyes that morning after hearing the news about Natalia had worried him. But he wasn't surprised by his concern for his brother.

Growing up as twins had made Alfred extremely protective of his brother Mathieu. Though Mattie was older by two days, he had always been frailer and more prone to illness than his big and strong American brother.

'Maybe he's getting sick,' Alfred mused curiously, biting his third cheeseburger. 'Mattie is always getting sick; that must be it. I'll make sure to ask him about it back home.' So it was decided, he would interrogate his brother layer in his room; just to make sure everything was okay, of course.

Just as he began planning out the perfect way to get Mathieu to skill his guts, a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Alfred~!" Natalia sang happily, dropping herself into her boyfriend's lap. She didn't notice, or chose not to notice, Alfred's small sigh of pure annoyance at her sudden presence.

"Hello, Natalia," Alfred shot her a perfectly flawless, and perfectly fake, smile. God this girl was starting to get annoying. Maybe it was time to dump her arse.

"Omigod! I have the perfect date planned out for next weekend. Wanna hear about it?"

"Sure…"

"Oh goodie!" Natalia clapped her hands together happily before she began speaking again. "So, we'll go to the mall and you'll buy me a new dress. A pretty red one, not blue like usually. I'm in the mood for a change. Anyways! After that…"

Alfred began to tune her out, ignoring her as his gazed fell on Mathieu. He watched his brother stare back at him with a blank look on his face. A smile tugged at the Americans face. What had his little maple leaf so deep in thought?

As if he felt someone watching him, Mathieu's eyes suddenly refocused and his violet eyes widened. He quickly averted his eyes from Alfred's, successfully breaking eye contact with him. But not before showing his brother his shocked, hurt and confused violet eyes and adorable little blush.

'Wait…did I just think of Mattie as CUTE?' Blinking in startled confusion, he barely noticed Natalia waving her hand in front of his face before it was too late and the Belarusian girl decided to smack him in the forehead.

"Oww! What the fuck was that for?" He brought a hand to his forehead; goddamn she slapped hard!

"Alfred Jones, were you even listening to me?" Natalia demanded, standing so she could place her hands on her hips while glaring down at him.

Knowing his girlfriend had a knife strapped to her leg at all- times, Alfred decided to just tell her what she wanted to hear.; even though it was an utter lie.

"I was trying to, babe, but I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You are just too goddamn sexy today!" He grinned at her perfectly falsely once again. Why did those words make him feel so sick to say? Maybe he had what Mattie seemed to have as well.

Natalia giggled (more like cackled) and tossed her long hair over her right shoulder. Her eyes twinkled with an emotion Alfred saw much too often in them.

Blood-lust.

"Oh Alfred~" she cooed, throwing her arms around his neck. "You always know just what to say." She kissed his neck territorially, barely missing the disgusted shudder it invoked from Alfred.

The bell rang, signalling it was time for Alfred's escape. He quickly peeled her arms from around his neck. "Sorry, Babe! Gotta run!" He flashed her an award winning smile before jogging of to Psychology. Like hell he was going to be late for the only class he had with his beloved Mathieu. He shook his head of those thoughts, confused by them but ignoring them once again.

Natalia remained glaring after him with her arms crossed. With an indignant huff, she stomped off to her next class as well. Something was definitely up with Alfred, and she didn't like it.

Not one bit.

* * *

Groaning in relief, Mathieu threw his bag into a random corner and flopped down onto his bed face first. He took a deep breath before hiding his face in his pillow and letting out an ear-splitting scream. Thankfully, though, the down filled pillow muffled any sounds that would have echoed throughout the house.

He raised his right fist and pounded his other pillow into oblivion as a few tears slowly leaked out of his eyes. Why was he always so goddamn weak? Why had today been so different and horrible; so off routine? Why did his brother have to say that about him? Why didn't he just stay in the freaking psychology room?

Even thinking back on the event made Mathieu start to cry even harder.

_Mathieu had just barely sat down when Alfred came barrelling into the room. He pushed past a couple of blonde, preppy girls in his haste to head back to where his brother was. Mathieu noted how breathless his brother seemed; he was probably running from Natalia, no doubt._

_"Hey there, Mattie!" Alfred exclaimed as best as he could while panting, sliding into the seat next to his brother. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair before adjusting his glasses(that he creatively dubbed Texas) and turned to face the little Canadian. "What's up?"_

_Mathieu rolled his eyes at the absurdity of the question. Hadn't the American realized yet that his answer was the same every single day?_

_"Nothing. Same old routine."_

_Alfred furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips comically (Mathieu always thought he looked like a constipated fish when he did that) as the rest of the class began to file in._

_"God you're boring, Mattie."_

_"Yeah," Mathieu smiled shyly. "I know." He turned to the front of the classroom as the bell rang and their psychology teacher, Mr Germany, began lecturing._

_Mr Germany was never someone who Mathieu thought would ever teach a class like psychology. He was a tall, broad shoulder German many with slicked back golden hair and narrowed blue eyes behind thin rimmed glasses. He always wore a green military uniform with a black wife beater underneath, no matter what the weather. Almost everyone was certain that he had been a general or something equal to it before he became a general. Mathieu just figured Mr Germany liked how he looked in it so he wore it._

_The majority of class was routine. Mr Germany lectured for about twenty minutes then passed out a worksheet on human behaviour in social settings. Time seemed to pass by like always, but then two short things with brown hair and bouncy curls came dashing in. The Vargas brother had arrived._

_Lovino and Feliciano Vargas were two Italian boys. Though they were twins, Feliciano's hair was just a shade lighter than that of his brothers and his curl was on the left side of his head instead of the right like Lovino's was. Their personalities had never been anywhere near the same as well. Feliciano had always been an extremely happy boy, with a sweet disposition and a love of pasta. Lovino had always been mean, rude and constantly angry. He was constantly calling people 'bastards' or throwing tomatoes at them(especially his best friend Antonio but Mathieu figured it was just pent up sexual tension form being in love with him). But they both had the habit of bursting out into tears at the drop of a hat._

_And, as Mathieu watched them today, it seemed they both were on the verge of a mental break down._

_"Ludwig/Potato Bastard!" the two yelled simultaneously, each clinging to one of Mr Germany's arms. Feliciano tugged on his right arm while Lovino cut off the circulation to his left arm._

_"Lovino! Feliciano! Let go of me at once!" he shook them off but, sadly, it was in vain. Feliciano immediately went from clinging to his arm to clinging to the taller and older man's waist in a vice-like, clinging hug. "What is it? What do you want?"_

_"Oh, Doitsu!" the younger Vargas sobbed softly. "Natalia…Natalia Braginski! She's…she's collapsed!"_

_Mathieu flinched as Alfred sat up so fast and with so much force that his chair fell backwards with a loud slam. "Where is she." The American demanded, not questioned, demanded._

_"Dammit, cheeseburger bastard. Calm-"_

_"Lovi. Where. Is. She."_

_"…Second floor. By Japan's art room."_

_Alfred ran out of there faster than Mathieu had ever seen his brother move, leaving the little Canadian all on his lonesome. He looked up shyly at Mr Germany, fiddling timidly with his hands. "I…is it okay if I go…too?"_

_Ludwig Germany glared at him for a minute before giving a curt node of his consent._

_Mathieu didn't need any more answer than that, standing and quickly dashing out of the room. He walked quickly up the stairs before heading down the second floor west hallway to Mr Japan's Japanese Art classroom*._

_The scene he was met with had him skidding to a halt, slipping quickly into the shadows so that he was more invisible than he usually was._

_Natalia had his brother pinned down and was ravaging (more like raping) his mouth with hers. Alfred had pushed her back gently so he could sit up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Wasn't that supposed to be rude? The look on Natalia's face made it certain that she thought so._

_"Natalia, we can't do this here. I need to get back to class before Germany gets suspicious." He protested not unkindly, smiling nervously at his intimidating girlfriend._

_Natalia let out a sound that strongly resembled a feral snarl, her sharp eyes flashing with pure rage. "No. You want to get back to your pathetic, gay faggot of a brother." She spat these words viciously, and Mathieu felt his heart drop. Did she really hate him that much?_

_Alfred had let a nervous laugh at that, running a hand through his hair like he always did when he felt like he was in an awkward situation. "You know that isn't true, Nat."_

_"You love him more than you love me!" she accused, standing and turning her back on him. Mathieu could swear he saw the puffs of steam coming out of her ears, like in one of those old, old cartoons with Mickey Mouse** in them._

_The American hadn't answered immediately, opting for standing and dusting his clothes off first before addressing his fuming girlfriend. "You know that's-"_

_Natalia had whirled around suddenly, cutting him off effectively with the looking in her eyes. She growled something that Mathieu couldn't hear, no matter how much he strained his ears. But when he saw his brothers shoulders tremble, he assumed it was something that the taller had found extremely amusing._

_"I don't love Mattie, not at all. We aren't even related, Nat, not by blood. My Dad's just want me keeping an eye on him, is all. And you know I can't say no to Papa when he threatens to have Dad…"_

_Mathieu had heard more than enough. He slowly backed away from the scene before turning on his heel and running off as fast as he could. He didn't care if they heard him. Tears blurred his vision as sobs were making it more and more difficult for him to breath._

_Lightheaded, he tripped over his feet and fell onto his hands and knees; lacking any strength to stand up, he crawled over to the wall and sat up against it. He wasn't sure why this hurt so badly. Mathieu had always known he loved his brother more than he loved him. Then why did he just wanted to melt into the wall and disappear?_

_Parting his dry lips he let out the three words that had become his mantra since he was young, "I am broken…"_

Mathieu bit his lip to silence a sob that threatened to escape. He knew this day would haunt his memory for the rest of his life.

Closing his eyes so he didn't have to see what he was doing, he reached over to the bed side table and fumbled with the drawer. He reached inside, fingers searching for a length of smooth metal. He grasped the razor and slowly pulled it out. Mathieu finally opened his eyes and sat u[. gazing down at the innocent looking piece of shiny metal.

Mathieu quickly pushed his sleeves up and pulled the bandages off of the mostly healed cuts. He took a deep breath and held it, slowly drawing he razor horizontally over the scarred skin of his left wrist.

Crying out in pain, he did it again and again and again. He blanked his mind from everything but this simple action of causing himself pain. The crimson liquid that was his blood seeped out from the wounds, running down the length of his forearm before dripping off his elbow onto the bright red bedspread. Even though they were both red, the blood stood out from the brightness of the maple leaf design.

He switched the blade to his now weakened left hand and repeated the same process on his right wrist. It hurt so bad, but felt so good. He couldn't explain the release he felt as all the impurities of his body disappear out of his skin.

Finally, Mathieu dropped the blade onto the bed, staring down at his mutilated wrists. He was always so shocked at how much blood just his wrists held, no matter how many times he did this. He slowly stood up, making sure not to push himself up with his hands, and on shaky legs made his way into the bathroom. He didn't notice the blood droplet trail that was created by his bleeding wrists. It created a perfect path for someone to follow him from the bed to the bathroom door.

It was quite a mistake.

Alfred arrived home mere minutes after Mathieu's breakdown. Completely oblivious to what had just transpired in his brother's room he made his way up the stairs and down the hallway to Mathieu's room.

"Hey, Mattie! I'm ho-"Alfred stopped midsentence after throwing his brother's door open. The little Canadian was nowhere to be found. 'How strange…' he thought, entering the room to take a look around.

A gleam of something silver caught his eye on the bed. Picking it up, he felt the stickiness on it; as if someone had just dipped it in cranberry juice and it was drying. Staring down at the blade that sat in Alfred's hand, he realized with a sickening feeling in his stomach that this wasn't any kind of fruit juice. It was far from it.

Confused, Alfred glanced down at it and then over to the closed bathroom door. His eyes widened behind his designer prescription glasses as he caught sight of the red stains that led a path to the bathroom door. He stared down at them in horror, realizing that this was his brother's blood. Mathieu was bleeding, extremely badly. But why?

He sat back heavily on the bed, staring down at the blade. Did his brother…no. He shook his head before holding it. Alfred realized what his brother had done; he had realized what his brother did to himself.

Mathieu had cut himself so badly that it had stained the carpet.

Alfred lifted his eyes to the door, gazing at the red stains by the door knob. He knew for a fact that Mathieu always locked the door when he was in the bathroom, both adjoining doors, so there was no point in trying to get in from either of their rooms.

He snapped back into reality and stood up hurriedly as the door slowly back to open and Mathieu stepped out. He froze as he noticed Alfred's presence, slowly lifting up his once dull eyes to gaze up at him in shock.

Alfred's eyes widened even more as he saw the bandages on his brother's tiny wrist. He took a step towards the Canadian, afraid to touch him lest he break.

"Mattie…?"

"Welcome home, Al…"

* * *

**DON'T HURT ME! *hides behind Germany***

**Germany: What are you doing?**

**They are going to hurt me, Ludwig! D:**

**Germany: No they aren't... -_-**

***sniffle sniffle* Fine...**

**I hope everyone isn't too mad at me! *hopeful chuckle* ...I cried so hard while writing this so don't be too mad. :/**

**keisan: I'm so glad this caught your eye! I'm like you, I don't usually read incomplete stories either, so being told that this is worth reading even before it is done is so great! Thank you so much!**

**phomma-chan: I know! I hate her so much! I feel so super duper bad about doing this to Mattie but it will get better; he will get better, I promise. :)**

**DeepWriter: I'm writing the third chapter now! Guess whose in it? ;) Do you know Netherlands human name? I can't find it anywhere! Or name him for me! PLEASE!**

**Thank you everyone who reviewed! YOU GUYS RULE! But...**

**REVIEWS ARE LOVE! SO DO IT MORE!**

**~Superschwiizer**


	4. Chapter 3: Duty First Self Later

**Sooo... Third chapter! What do you think, Zexy? ;3**

**Zexion: Don't call me Zexion...or I'll give you a paper cut...**

**;A; Don't hurt me...just...just give a disclaimer or something...**

**Zexion: *sighs* Superschwiizer doesn't own anyhting about this yada yada cookie.**

**READ ON!**

* * *

He knew.

Alfred _knew_.

How could he have been so goddamn _careless_?

Mathieu stared over at his brother, his eyes dull and lifeless while Alfred's reflected the exact opposite of his; bright blue and full of confusion he was stared at in horror. He glanced down at the razor grasped tightly in his brother's hand, blinking his violet eyes slowly and calmly. "Alfred…you'll cut yourself if you grip that too hard…" his voice came out in barely a whispered, but had the ability to fill the entire room with its sweet lilt.

Alfred stared at his brother for a few more moments longer before tossing the razor onto the bed. He crossed the room quickly, making the distance in three steps with his long legs. Mathieu had always envied his brothers height; he always figured that people would like him more if he was able to make more of a presence for himself. "What the fuck is this?" he demanded, yanking his brother's wrist up so he could gaze at it. The bandages were crisp and clean all the way around until he came to the underside of the dainty wrist, the blood having seeped through to stain it a deep crimson.

Mathieu flinched at the sudden movement; tears pricked the corners of his eyes as the slices were pressed up. "It's…it's nothing…" He took his wrist back as carefully as he could from Alfred's grasp, pulling his long sleeves over to cover his hands.

"Like hell this is nothing!" Alfred shouted, angry at himself for not realizing this was going on. He should have been here! He should have stopped him! "Why would you ever do something like this, Mattie? Why?"

Mathieu flinched away from his brother. Not once in their entire lives had Alfred ever raised his voice at the little Canadian. He shakily walked over to his open bedroom door; his backed remained turned to his brother. "Al…" his big violet eyes finally overflowed with tears, dropping to the carpet in soft droplets of raining sorrow. "Get…get out…"

The American gaped at Mattie's back; he couldn't believe what he just heard. Did his brother really just tell him to leave? "M…Mattie? What're you-"

"GET OUT!" Mathieu clenched his first at his sides, shouting for the first time Alfred could ever remember. "I don't want to talk to you! Leave me alone!" The tears were an overflowing in cascades now, completely blurring his vision and staining his glasses.

Alfred stalked over o the door, glancing at his brother worriedly one last time before finally walking out as he was demanded to. He turned and gazed at his brother before the door slammed in his face, locking quickly after that.

Mathieu slid down into a sitting position against the door, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around them. He rested his head back against the smooth wood, crying his heart out freely know without any concern for who heard or didn't hear. He honestly didn't give a damn anymore.

Why did he have to tell Alfred to leave him alone? He didn't want his brother to leave, quite the opposite actually. He wanted the American boy to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay.

But that wasn't possible because everything wasn't okay, nor could it ever be okay. Not for a very, very long time.

Mathieu gazed away into the nothing of his room, sighing softly and sadly.

He had seriously fucked up.

* * *

The next few days were complete and utter hell for Mathieu. Alfred and Natalia were more physical than ever (if that is even possible), and always seemed to be in his path to get somewhere. Almost like one, or both, of them were trying to torture him. It wasn't fair.

Alfred hadn't tried to speak to him once in the last two weeks, and that wasn't routine for the taller blonde. Usually it would be an immediate game of twenty questions at the first opportunity to present itself. But no. Not one question. This worried Mathieu greatly.

He sighed and closed his locker, at least it was the end of the day and he could just go home and hide. Slinging his back over his shoulder he turned, slamming face first into something hard and warm. "Oww…" he whimpered softly, stumbling back and rubbing his forehead before looking up to see who, or what, he had run into.

The man staring down at him was strange looking, but beautiful. He had pale, pale skin with bright red eyes. His hair was messy and white while that smirk gracing his lips just screams 'I'm better than you.' "Hey, Ismael? This the little birdie you were talking about?" The strange man leaned down to look Mathieu in the eye, grinning broadly.

Mathieu watched as Ismael, the man he had met a few weeks ago but hadn't seen since, stepped around the strange man into his view. "That's right, Gilbert. His names Mathieu." He smiled kindly at the little Canadian. "So, wanna take me up on that offer to hang out?"

Out of the corner of Mathieu's eye he saw Alfred glaring at the two in front of him. Maybe he shouldn't if Alfred didn't like them? This thought of hesitation was broken as Natalia quickly kissed his brother, taking away his attention yet again. He looked back up at Ismael and Gilbert, smiling shyly. "Y…yeah, sure…"

The albino boy looked especially smug. He had seen the look that Alfred had given them and it had amused him to no end. Gilbert and Alfred had never seen eye to eye, and now that he was friends with his brother he could piss him of even more. "So, Mattie was it?" The little blonde nodded and he grinned, wrapping an arm around him and starting to walk. "You're lucky to know someone as awesome as me because we are gonna have some fun!"

Ismael chuckled at his best friend's advances towards Mathieu; that bastard sure did move fast. He followed after them, musing with the idea of possibly a threesome with little Mattie completely vulnerable. Licking his lips lightly he glanced at the smaller boy before looking at Gilbert.

Gilbert grinned at him over the top of Mathieu's head, more than happy to share their little toy. "Let's treat little Mattie to a snack, my treat." He purred, grinning down at the blushing Canadian who only nodded at him in consent. He didn't suspect any ulterior motives. Why would he?

No one likes him, right?

* * *

Alfred glared after the retreating forms of the three, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

How dare they touch his brother? How dare they touch something that was obviously his! He slammed his locker shut, slinging his bag over his shoulder almost violently. Not even realizing he was leaving Natalia here, he stalked out to his car. He jabbed the keys into the lock and yanked it open. Gods he was pissed. Alfred threw his stuff in the back before sitting in the car, slamming the driver's side door shut before shoving the keys in the ignition and driving off.

He glanced up and saw Natalia screaming at him from the top steps of the school but at the moment he didn't give a damn. All that mattered right now was getting home before Mathieu so he could find some way to keep the smaller of the two away from Gilbert and Ismael.

The mere thought of the two made Alfred screw up his nose in disgust and left a bad taste in his mouth. Ismael and Gilbert were both well-known womanizers but it was common knowledge that they swung the other way as well. Alfred had known the two long enough to know that they wanted only one thing from Mattie, and the sure as hell knew how to get.

'Mattie is pure…' his thoughts growled to him, making him grip the steering wheel tighter. White knuckled and pissed, he pulled into the driveway almost violently. Slamming the doors once more as he got out and stalked inside. His parents wouldn't be home for almost four hours so he had plenty of time to figure out what to do.

So he began to pace. He paced and paced and paced, concentrating on the exact same line in the floor. He knew he had to do something, and quick. But he couldn't let Mathieu become even angrier with him. Alfred cringed as Mattie's last words to him echoed in his head.

"_I don't want to talk to you!" _The words taunted him in his brother's voice, threading through his head at a break neck pace. _"Leave me alone!" _Alfred collapsed against the couch, face in his hands. No. He couldn't cry. He refused to cry and admit that his brother was his weakness. The tears slowly began to fall, landing on his lap with soft plipping sound.

"Don't cry…" he growled to himself; this on succeeded in making him cry harder. "Don't cry goddamn you…" He pulled at his hair, throwing his glasses onto the side table so he could cry freely now.

This was weak; this wasn't how a hero should act.

His hands dropped to his lap, clenching and unclenching from tight fists to loose fingers. Alfred stared down at them, wondering how such strong looking hands could belong to one as weak as him. After a minute he shook himself, rising from the sofa.

Like hell he was going to be weak. This was his brother, he was talking about. And it would be a cold day in hell before he stopped protecting him. His ears pricked as he heard a car door slam and he moved his way over to the window, moving the curtain enough to see Mattie coming out of gilbert's car.

Mathieu looked so happy, laughing his sweet little laugh with a gentle blush on his face. The blush darkened as Ismael took his hand through the passenger side door and kissed it, grinning that ferrety smile of his. Mathieu gently pulled away from the older man and waved at them as they drove off; turning and heading up the steps once they were out of sight.

Alfred dashed upstairs to his brother's room, opening the door and stepping inside before closing it as quietly as he could. He made his way over to the Canadian's bed and sat on it just as the front door opened, announcing his brother's quiet arrival. He listened for the steps foretelling his brother's arrival. He listened to the sound of the bedroom door opening as he sat on the bed, gazing at where his brother would be any second. Unconsciously his hands balled into fists.

Mathieu stepped into the room, looking up from his shoes to find his brother sitting on his bed staring at him. He halted his walking immediately, just staring at Alfred.

"Welcome ho-" "What are you doing in here? I told you to leave me alone!"

Alfred recoiled at his brother's forceful words; blinking multiple times did not cure his confusion at Mathieu's sudden outburst. "Mattie…? Why…why are you angry with me?"

The small Canadian glared at him before sighing softly, his expression softening as a result. He slowly crossed the room before sinking onto the bed next to his brother, staring down at his hands in his lap. Biting his lip, he brought his eyes up to meet Alfred's. And when Mathieu spoke, the room suddenly became colder. "Alfred… Leave me alone… I…I don't want anything to do with you… So…please leave… Please…"

Alfred felt his heart break in two, pain filling his entire being. "But…why Mattie…?"

"I can't tell you…"

"Mattie….you can tell me anything; you know that!"

"I can't tell you this… This is the one thing I cannot tell you ever…"  
The American ran a hand through his hair, swallowing hard before standing. His legs felt like Jell-O. "Fine… If that's what you really want…"

'It's not…' Mathieu thought sadly, watching his brother leave the room and his life. Hopefully this would be for the better. He knew he didn't like it but he would do anything to make Alfred happy.

What was it the Royal Family always says? That description of what Mathieu believed he just decided by?

_Duty First; Self Later. _

**OMFG THAT IS MY FAVOURITE QUOTE EVER! AUGH!**

**I wrote this while watching Be Good Johnny Weir! OMFG I LOVE THAT BOY SO MUCH! AAAGH! XD He's what made me want to ice skate! :D**

**Anyways...**

**Deikuru: You will be happy to know that I went out and bought a muffin after that! I know it's moving kind of fast, but this is my first fanfiction so I expected it to be a little inexperienced at pacing but, that's okay.! I'm learning! And I'm trying SO HARD to make it as long as I possibly can. Thank you for your review! XD**

**Yaoi's Whore: *is shaken* WAAAHHHH! ;A; HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER! DON'T HURT MEEE! *runs away***

**THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO GAVE ME NAMES FOR HOLLAN! I'm going to use Lars since it seems to the most popular X3**


	5. Chapter 4: Victory, Bitch

**Okay, yeah, I know this is short but it needed to be short. This is a slight filler episode that goes over Mathieu's real fear of Natalia in where she threatens him constantly. Poor baby, huh? I honestly feel really bad about how i'm treating Mathieu but he really is my favourite character. He's the sweetest thing in the world! By the way, i would really love to have some fanart for this story. If anyone wants to draw something for me, I'll put a link to it on my profile and have the scene in the fanfiction. Seem like a good plan? :)**

**ANYWAYS!**

**I don't own anything EXCEPT for the plot!**

* * *

Sylvester Stallone once said that _"Real love is when you become selfless and you are more concerned about your mate's or children's egos than your own. You're now a giver instead of a taker."_ This means that when you love someone, you will sacrifice anything, even them, if it means they will be happy. That, even if that selfless act tears you apart, it is okay as long as the person you love is happy and content.

If that was true, then why did Alfred not look happy?

Mathieu sat sitting at his lunch table, gazing over at his brother through wavy blonde hair. His violet eyes remained trained on the other man, watching how he moved and talked to people in a lackluster mockery of how he usually acted. The Canadian sighed and picked at his food, finally pulling his gaze away from his brother. What was wrong with Alfred? Mathieu couldn't fathom that possibly, maybe, in some twisted way, Alfred missed him. But that couldn't be, right? He had everything that Mathieu couldn't have, shouldn't that make him happy?

In Mathieu's eyes it should make him happy; but it obviously wasn't.

He was jolted out of his reverie as Gilbert dropped his tray on the small blonde's right and Ismael dropped his on his other side.

"The awesome has arrived!" Gilbert grinned at him, red eyes twinkling. The albino seemed almost creepily happy.

"H…hello…" Mathieu murmured a greeting, glancing between Gilbert and Ismael with a soft smile. Ismael smiled back at him gently while Gilbert just beamed, wrapping an arm around the Canadian's shoulder. "So….do you want to come over today, Mattie?" he asked, loud enough so that Alfred heard his little question.

To Mathieu this seemed so innocent; like the albino had no ulterior motives to set into play. But, little did he know, he had quite the ulterior motive. Smiling sweetly, Mathieu nodded; this was going to be so much fun! …For Gilbert and Ismael.

They made plans to meet up after school by Mathieu's locker and, when the bell rang, went their separate ways. Blue eyes watched the small Canadian from the shadows, observing how his hips moved, and his curl bounced, and how he clutched his binder to his chest. Alfred smiled softly, wishing he could just hug his brother, but the smile soon faded as he realized that that wouldn't happen again for a long time. He let out a soft sigh and walked after Mathieu into their Psychology class. He saw that the seat next to him was empty and smirked slightly, walking leisurely down the aisles and plopping down next his brother. "Hey, Mattie."

Mathieu flinched but didn't look over at Alfred, gripping his pencil a little tighter.

Alfred leaned his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his hand and, with bored eyes, gazed at his brother. He watched his dainty fingers grasp the pencil; his eyes followed the line of the young man's body, causing a smirk to appear on Alfred's lips. He's smirk instantly fell, realizing exactly what he was thinking.

Looking up at the board he contemplated what exactly it was he was feeling. Sure, he loved Mathieu, with all his heart. But did he love him _that_ way?

He shook his head slightly and risked one last glance at his brother, feeling a wave of affection for the smaller boy. Yeah, something was definitely there.

* * *

Natalia leaned against the locker next to Mathieu's; waiting for him to come out. A smirk spread across her blood red lips as she began thinking about the boy's reaction to what she was going to tell him. She twirled a lock of hair around her finger, humming innocently and not missing the appreciating gazes she got from wearing such a short skirt and tight shirt.

She watched as Mathieu made his way over to his locker, noting the way the small young man wouldn't even glance up in her direction. '_I must scare the little fag that much_.' The thought made her smirk become eviler and eviler, something not good for Mathieu.

"Hello, Mathieu."

Mathieu jumped, hand freezing on the locker dial. "H…hello, Natalia…"

"I have something I need to talk to you about."

"Y-yes?"

Natalia slid something out of her bag, leaning close to the blonde, grinning evilly. "Don't touch my Alfred…" she placed the cool edge of a knife against his wrists, making Mathieu flinch. "Or I'll cut you up more than you already are…"

Mathieu's eyes widened and he stared at her, terror playing across his face visibly. He swallowed slowly, nodding slightly.

"_Promise me!_"

Flinching, Mathieu croaked out a terrified answer, "I…I promise, N…Natalia…"

Natalia grinned and took a step back, slipping the knife back into her bag. "Thank you so much!" she giggled with fake, cloying sweetness; as if she hadn't just threatened to murder her boyfriend's brother. With one last threateningly sweet smile, she left, her heels clicking loudly on the floor as she decided to find Alfred.

Alfred looked up as Natalia walked over to him, smiling fondly at her. "Hey, babe. Where've you been?"

After glancing over her shoulder, she smiled sweetly up at the American. "Just taking care of some business."

When Alfred looked away she smirked evilly while muttering, "_Victory, bitch_."

"Did you say something?

"Nope nothing at all!

* * *

**Yaoi's Whore: I'm so glad you lvoe this story so much. XD It makes me so HAPPY!**

**Tuxedo Lady: PrussiaXCanadaXCuba would be pretty hot... . *goes to jot down ideas for a possible fanfic***

**Phomma-chan: I guess he doesn't realize that but he really needs to. He's completely self destructing, and who knows WHAT will happen with him, Gilbert and Ismael... No, seriously. I don't have a CLUE what's goign to happen next. .;**

**I wrote this entire thing while listening to these songs:**

**Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru  
Moondance by Nightwish  
My Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus  
You Dun Goofed by Blood on the Dance Floor  
Dirty Love by Johnny Weir  
Hall Om Mig Nu by Nanne Gronvall  
Vi Ar Dom Tuffaste by Nanne Gronvall  
And, of course, Superschwiizer by Gimma**

**Yeah, that's right. European music is bomb. X)**


	6. Chapter 5: Truth Unveiled

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything! I swear to Goddess that if I did own Hetalia, Alfred and Mathieu would be getting it on ALL THE FREAKING TIME! But...sadly...I do not own Hetalia. But now I have Fanfiction! :)**

**Warning: ...I am so sorry, Mathieu...  
**

* * *

Mathieu finally finished up at his locker, shut it quietly and leaning his forehead against the cool metal. Natalia had threatened him, scared him, and now he knew he made the right choice about staying away from Alfred. The girl was psychotic, anyone could see that, but Mathieu was the only one who knew what she was capable. She saw the marks she caused on his brother after one of their "love-making" session. She was sadistic and mean, always making Alfred bleed somewhere.

It made Mathieu sick.

Loud, attention dominating footsteps pulled Mathieu out of his reverie; he feared the worst, that Natalia had come back, deciding to start with the torture now instead of later. A thankful sigh escaped his chest as he looked up to see the familiar forms for Ismael and Gilbert. He offered them a soft smile of greeting, not truly trusting his voice not to quiver.

"You ready to go, Mattie?" Ismael asked this while Gilbert swung an arm around the little blonde's shoulder, for once keeping his mouth shut about how _awesome_ he was. Receiving a small nod of confirmation from Mathieu, the three headed for Ismael's car.

The car was very new. The SSC Ultimate Aero was decorated with a Cuban flag painted on the hood, billowing in an imaginary wind, while the rest of the car was a deep, shiny jet black colour. It was small, but very, very fast. Just like Ismael liked it to be. The Cuban opened the door, gesturing Mattie to slide into the middle. Both he and Gilbert walked to their appropriate sides, sliding in and trapping the little blonde in between them.

"This car is really fast, birdie; and Ismael is a maniac on the road. So hold on tight." Gilbert grinned at him, watching Mathieu nod in understanding. He rested his arm around the blonde's shoulders, glancing at Ismael and giving him a nod to go.

Ismael started the engine and they sped off, reaching insane speeds. But did the albino or Cuban man care? Hell no. In between them they at the most delectable piece of ass they ever had the pleasure to share. And what a _pleasure _it would be. Hopefully they could keep Mathieu oblivious until just before the moment they decided to run him ragged.

Gilbert grinned evilly. He really had to thank Natalia even more for paying them to do this.

Alfred was furious.

No; he was fucking pissed.

How dare Mathieu get into that bastard's car? How dare he be so _stupid_ to _believe _that Ismael and Gilbert would do _nothing _to him? How dare he not tell Alfred!

He slammed a fist into the door-frame, ignoring the pain and the crunching sound of the wood in the door splintering. Slamming inside, he dropped his crap onto the couch next to Natalia's. Glancing over at his girlfriend's back, he deduced that she had been home for a while. 'Probably in my room,' he decided, heaving himself heavily up off the couch and up the stairs.

"Natalia!" Alfred called. No answer. 'How strange… Maybe she's napping?' he cracked the door open, glancing inside.

Nothing.

He entered the room quietly, walking over and flopping down onto his bed. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. Where did that girl go? A scrap of paper peeking out of Natalia's purse caught his eye. Standing, he walked over and pulled it out carefully. Alfred smiled; he'd recognize his girlfriend's handwriting anywhere.

It seemed to be a letter of sorts.

'_We got Mattie to come with us. We're planning to play with him for a long time and the best part is he doesn't suspect anything at all, Natalia. Dumb kid, huh?  
Thanks for the new toy,  
Gilbert'_

Alfred gaped at the letter before clutching it tighter in his hand, angry surging through the every fiber of his being. He knew what Gilbert meant by _play. _He was going to defile his perfect, beautiful, amazing Mathieu. Slamming his fist into the wall, he ran down the stairs.

Natalia waved at him from the couch. "Alfred! Come si-"

"_Fuck you, bitch_!" Alfred shouted back, slamming the door behind him as he made his way to his car. He ignored the screams of anger from Natalia, speeding off in the only direction he needed to go.

Gilbert Beilschmidt's house.

* * *

Ismael watched Gilbert showed Mathieu around his home, smirking as he watched the younger boy's hips swish slightly back and forth. He had been having some second thoughts about what they were going to do but, hey, when you've got a sexy blonde with a fine ass close by, you kind of forget all about your principals. He watched as Gilbert snaked an arm around Mathieu's waste, pulling him over to sit on the couch. Ismael smirked and walked over to the couch, sitting on the other side of Mathieu, placing an arm behind him on the couch.

"Hey Gilbert?" Ismael smirked at him over Mathieu's head. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Gilbert grinned, looking down at the oblivious Mathieu who was entertaining himself with a book he found on the coffee table. He gently lifted the book out of the little blonde's hands, placing it on the table. "Mattie~ We want to show you something~"

Mathieu looked up at him, curious. "What?"

"Close your eyes…"

Mathieu did as he was told, wondering what they wanted to show him.

Ismael smirked and placed a hand on the little Canadians leg, sliding it up to rest against the inner part of it. At the same time, Gilbert pressed his lips to Mathieu's neck, baring his teeth to bite lightly at the porcelain skin.

Violet eyes flew open and he began struggling. "Wh-what are you doing?" Mathieu pushed Ismael's hand way, only to have both of his pinned down. His right hand pinned by Gilbert and the left by Ismael. He was completely and utterly trapped by the two stronger males.

"Don't struggle, Mattie..." the albino growled in his ear, licking the shell and making the small blonde quiver in fear. "We'll make sure you enjoy this..." With that he slid his hand down over Mathieu's chest, slipping the tips of his fingers into the waistband of his pants.

Ismael watched as Gilbert played with their new toy, smirking at Mathieu's slight struggling. The Canadian would never get away from them; they would never let him. Getting bored with just watching Gilbert tease their captive, Ismael started unbuttoning Mathieu's shirt. He popped each button slowly, enjoying the squeaks of fear the actions drew from the blonde's throat.

"Don't be afraid..." he smirked. "We'll go easy on you..."

"Maybe..." Gilbert snickered, unbuttoning and unzipping Mathieu's pants. Slipping his hand inside of the other boy's pants, he grasped the soft member, drawing a cry of surprise from the Canadian's throat.

"S-stop...!" Mathieu whimpered, struggling in their grip. This only earned his member another squeeze from Gilbert's large hand. A strangled cry escaped his throat; tears filling his eyes. He silently cursed his body for responding to this kind of treatment.

What had he done to deserve this kind of treatment?

Ismael tore the shirt off of Mathieu, baring his chest to both his and Gilbert's hungry gazes. "Beautiful..." he leaned forward, latching onto one of the Canadians rosy pink nipples. He relished at the taste of the younger and smaller boys skin.

Mathieu felt hot tears begin to drip down his face as his chest was assaulted by Ismael and his member was forced into life by Gilbert.

He didn't want this. He wanted Al. He only wanted Al.

Why did he tell Alfred to leave him alone?

Why...?

* * *

**I'm sorry these last two chapters have been so short... I've been in quite a funk lately and my friend warned against adding too much infromation in a chapter sooo...yeah. :/**

**Thank you everyone for reviewing... It really made my days better this week... :)**

**Fancypants65: JOHNNY WEIR IS A SEX GOD AND I WISH HE WAS BISEXUAL AND NOT GAY SO THAT HE WOULD HIT ON ME! XD But, yeah. He sings a lot, I guess. I love his voice so much. :) I listened to some of the Death Note soundtrack while rereading my fanfic and, you're right! It does fit so well! I didn't really mean for that to happened but I am greatly proud of this. X3 Please continue reading and reviewing! 3**

**xXiMxaxPoTaToXx: Please please pleeeaaaase draw me fanart! I will lvoe you forever if you do! (*.*)?3(*.*)**

**Yaoi's Whore: I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER AS WELL! 333333333**

**Okay, people; I need some advice. So, after this, I want to write another multichapter fanfic. Buuut...should I do some other Hetalia pairing or RyouXBakura from Yu-Gi-Oh! I'm leaning more towards RyouXBakura but I dunno...**

**PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW!**

**Love,  
Superschwiizer**


	7. Chapter 6: Mindscape

**Okay, I was going to wait until my Beta beta'd this a second time but I decided jsut to post it with the first corrections made by the two of us. I feel like...it has been WAY to long since I have updated and I AM SO SORRY! I promise to NEVER let so much time pass between chapters! I can't keep dissapointing people who admire my work like this! My lovely fans and reviewers!**

**Anyway, thank you so much to wiwiun for becoming my beta! 333**

**DISCLAIMER: TO SAY THAT I MAY OWN THE RIGHTS TO HETALIA WOUL BE LIKE SAYING SHAKESPEARE WASN'T A GENIUS. He is a genius. ;)**

* * *

This was Hell.

_This torture. This violation. This abuse._

Mathieu was_ broken._

He had long since given up any chance or desire to retaliate. He had attempted but failed to push them off and run, but that only succeeded in a fist - he assumed belonged to Gilbert - colliding against his ribs. And that's when he heard the crack; when Mathieu felt the excruciating punishment that had him crumbling to their feet in submission. He could see nothing past the torturous injuries; instead, willing himself to withdraw into his mind.

His mind blocked out the shooting spikes of agony that continued to slicing him apart. He did not process the way in which Ismael forced him into a deep kiss. No reaction was elicited from his mouth or expression when Gilbert encircled his half-erect member in his hand and gave it a few merciless tugs.

'_Escape…escape…_' his mind chanted to him, pulling him into a mindscape where only he and Mr Kumajirou existed.

The world around him faded from existence as the fantasy that was his mind created him the perfect place in which to elope in to. The black leather couch disappeared from underneath him, replaced with soft, spongy, and shockingly blue grass. Walls melted and in therein replaced by an expanse of rolling hills and sparsely placed trees. Above him, the dull grey ceiling faded away into a vast, uninterrupted black space of night full ever shifting green and golden stars. The entire world had a silently shifting breeze that thread its way through Mathieu's hair and an eerie, ethereal presence deep set into the lands earth.

Mathieu lay within this world, on lush green grass created for him as a bed. Violet eyes stared up into the night sky, mapping out patterns and delineations within the apocryphal. A small vivaciously, seemingly laughing at his brother on the grass below. Contentment spread up from the pit of his heart, flitting up to coat his cheeks with a soft tinge of happiness. A miniscule smile trembled on his lips, growing larger the more his brother's image laughed.

But then it was gone; fading into away into the black expanse and jumbled stars.

The image of himself sat up and gazed down at his hands glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose and onto his lap. Red-hot fury finally registered within him, setting off a chain reaction of emotions tearing through him in a rainbow of feelings.

Here, please explain what sort of emotional change he's feeling so people could grasp why he 'could barely contain the hatred', as quoted from the sentences following.

"I am broken…" he hissed into the night air, petite hands clenching into fists. Emotions ran high in this land of his mind, reflected in the way the grass burst into flames and the sky shifted colours in a terrifying dance. Finally, it was certified within his mind that everything that had happened to him over the course of his life warranted himself to be angry.

But he still felt that aching twitch that he should not be. That everything that had happened to him and was happening to him now was what always should have happened.

Standing, Mathieu fisted his hands into his hair, pulling at it. "I. Am. _WRONG_!" he shouted the final word into the air, tears springing into his eyes.

Very vaguely, through the fog of his mindscape, he heard shouting. '_What_?' His mind-self lowered his hands, blinking tears out and onto the lush ground. Dropping his arms to his sides, Mathieu turned in a wide circle. '_What am I hearing_?' He jumped as the noise became louder, holding his head in his hands.

This made no sense! No one could be in his world!

"**Mattie**!" The disembodied voice yelled for him, jolting the Canadian out of his mind.

The phantom world slowly melted around him until he was left floating in an obsidian abyss of confusion and pain. A grip on his physical self's shoulder was the final trigger to let the blackness fade and the physical world finally register in his vision again.

Mathieu gazed blinking up as his vision cleared, squinting as he was slowly able to make out the shape of glasses. "Texas…?" he murmured softly. The figure grinned down at him, eyes shimmering with tears yet to be shed as others softly pelted Mathieu's cheeks.

Violet eyes suddenly grew wide, filled with a mix of terror and confusion as he remembered all that had happened; everything that made him recede into his mind. He sat up quickly, letting out a strangled cry of pain as his cracked ribs sharply throbbed and ached. Clutching at his side, Mathieu gazed downwards. Shock filled his body at what he saw below him, making him catch his breath and clench his fists in confusion.

Gilbert lay on his back, bruised and bloody. His white hair was streaked with blood and red eyes were closed; Mattie hoped he was just unconscious and not actually…dead. Ismael caught Mathieu's eye next. The Cuban sat against a wall by the door a trail of blood smeared down to where he was seated. A wry smile spread over Mathieu's features before it was replaced with shame and guilt. Quickly, he turned away from the scene, bringing his hands up to hide his face in them. Why did he feel so absolutely dizzy with frivolity about seeing them hurt? Was this normal? Was this routine?

"Mattie".

As if afraid of potential injury, he slowly raised his head to gaze up at the man in front of him. Violet eyes stared into cold blue ones, unable to look away.

"_Mattie_." Mathieu was shocked to see the azure depths quickly morph into anger; eyes hard and shining with hatred. But Mathieu saw past those harsh emotions. He saw all the love, fear and sadness that were trying to be masked by a fake sheen of coldness.

Finally, Mathieu recognized the eyes, voice and the blonde hair with that one little cowlick that stood up and could never be tamed. He registered the familiar horn-rimmed glasses, the mouth that was always smiling, and the brown leather and black fur of the bomber jacket.

_Alfred..._

"Mattie." Alfred repeated, placing a hand lightly on his brother's battered shoulder. He jerked it back as soon as Mathieu flinched, the violet gaze faltering slightly from the human contact and pain. A soft whimper drew itself from the Canadian's throat, rolling out of his mouth as the tears finally began to flow.

Mathieu covered his face again with his hands. He didn't want Alfred to see him so weak, so pitiful, fearing it would only burden the other to have to put up with it. Dainty shoulders quivered with the incessant sobs, wracking through his body like Niagara Falls.

Carefully, warm arms wrapped around Mathieu, pulling him up slightly and into a warm embrace Gloved hands rested gently on his sides but avoided the broken ribs with almost practiced ease. This simple action made Mathieu squeeze his eyes shut tightly and cry harder, clutching at Alfred's jacket. It was almost as if he was terrified his brother would leave him.

Alfred leaned back against the couch, gazing up at the ceiling. He gently moved a hand up to the back of Mathieu's hair, softly petting the golden locks in what he hoped was a comforting manner. How could he have just stood by and let his little Canadian leave with those two? He knew what they were capable of, yet...

He cast a hateful glare over in Ismael and Gilbert's direction, a smirk adorned his lips at how well he had beaten them up. Alfred rested his gaze back down onto the Canadian sobbing into his arms, his eyes following the bruises and cuts and wounds blemishing Mathieu's body.

Disgust seated itself in the bottom of his stomach, painting his inside with feelings of hatred and the first inklings of the desire to kill. Those fuckin' assholes would never lay a hand on his Mathieu ever again.

'_Still…_' he thought as he gazed down at his brother, '_I can't help but feel responsible for this…_'

Never again would he let Mathieu leave his arms and enter the ones of another. He loved this effeminate man and he would do anything to protect him. Even if it meant _killing_, he would do anything for Mattie. Absolutely fuckin' anything.

"Let's go home, Mattie…"

* * *

Alfred kicked the door closed, holding his brother bridal style in his arms. He had gotten Mathieu dressed as best he could; the boy was unresponsive to everything and ended up only bundled up in Alfred's bomber jacket. He had finally gotten them home to what he hoped was an empty house. As he made his way up the stairs, he suddenly remembered the hellish psycho he had left here **- alone -**when he had gone to get Mattie.

Lightly setting down Mathieu down to sit against the wall at the top of the stairs, Alfred slowly made his way down the hall. He peaked into Mathieu's room and found everything normal. It was the same for his parent's room and the guest bedroom. Everything was left completely untouched.

Alfred let out a sigh of relief, gaze lowered to the floor.

That was when he saw it.

The red writing painted onto the pristine white carpet made him take a step back, stumbling backwards to land firmly on his backside with a startled cry.

**'**_**You are MINE, Alfred!**'_

Chills ran across his spine, fear digging itself deep into his subconscious. Alfred stood on shaky legs, averting his gaze from the writing. God, how he hoped it wasn't blood. He slowly stepped around it, heading for his room.

He needed to know if she was still here, if Mathieu was in danger. He didn't give a damn what happened to himself as long as his brother would be okay. He cracked the door a smidge before pushing it open completely, breath hitching out of reflex of the unknown.

Nothing was there.

He let out a soft whisper of a sigh he hadn't realized he was holding and smiled to himself. '_Of course she left…_ ' He walked out of his room and over to Mathieu, picking the blonde up again and taking him into his own room. Still, Mathieu remained silent and numb.

After setting the Canadian gently down on the red and white maple leaf print bedspread, Alfred straightened up. He scanned around the room, taking in its appearance since the last time he'd entered. That had been far too long. He really missed his brother's company. It had been far too long since he had paid any kind of true attention to his brother. No longer did the two hang out just because they weren't just brothers, they had been friends.

Walking over to the dresser, he picked up a picture of when they were younger. Alfred had been such a show off and was hugging the timid Mathieu with all he had, making the young Canadian's eyes widen and a blush dust his cheeks. Both of them, he remembered, had been laughing so hard their stomachs hurt and that was a feeling he hadn't had in a long time.

A sad smile crept upon his lips and sat there, lingering. Why couldn't things just go back to when they were little? Back then they had been so close and had loved each other blatantly. But then Alfred had become the one everyone loved, and Mathieu, his shadow, was shunned by the world around them. "Why didn't I notice?" he murmured softly, setting the picture frame down.

He turned and watched his brother; tired and bruised and drifting in and out of consciousness. Examining his body, tears crept to his eyes. He couldn't believe how peaceful he looked. Alfred felt his knees go weak and sunk to the floor, a choking sob finally wrenching itself from the pit of his very soul. He had held it in so well when he had to be strong but now he just crumbled. An avalanche of self-loathing emotions rushed into his mind, wrenching open the hole in his heart into a gaping abyss that could only be fixed by one thing.

_Mathieu._

Alfred drew his legs up to his chest and clung to them, hiding his face in the tops of his knees. His shoulders quaked with sobs so strong they hurt his chest. He made sure to muffle the sounds with a hand over his mouth, having to bite it to keep the whimpers silent. But more and more came, and more tears poured down like hot rivers. He truly wished that he was stronger, that he could help Mathieu without having to break down afterwards.

Time passed and he slowly lifted his head, wiping cerulean eyes and glancing at Mathieu. A guarded violet gaze met him, but softened as their eyes locked. Mathieu slipped silently off the bed and went over to sit by his brother. Lightly he took one of Alfred's hands and threaded their fingers together, resting his head on the American's shoulder.

No one spoke; there didn't need to be any words spoken to express what they were thinking. Being together like this was just purely perfection; it was everything they would ever want.

There was a slam of a door from downstairs, signalling the arrival of their parents, but they didn't care. They said nothing as Francis called for them and Arthur fussed over the flamboyant Frenchman. They simply sat, with hands tightly entwined, fingers threaded in their own embrace.

Arthur was the first to break the silence; his shocked yell reverberated through every room, hallway and space of the house. _"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY PERFECT CARPET?"_

Mathieu let out a soft giggle at their English father, eyes newly alight as he turned his gaze to the boy by his side. Alfred, who had been watching the little Canadian, grinned back at him, eyes incredibly gentle and sincere. The realization of their similar feelings for one another.

And as Arthur flipped out and Francis tried to calm him down, there was peace within Mathieu's room.

"I love you, Mattie…"

"I love you too, Al…"

* * *

**Okay, so...for the next chapter, should I add a spicy little lemon for you all or wait for that? It is compeltely up to you, my readers, as to what you want to read. I currently am writing a little oneshot of Alfred and Mattie so I will decide after posting that. LEave your preference in a review!**

**OKAY PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO START REVIEWING MORE. REVIEWS INSPIRE ME AND MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE MORE AND MORE! PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR REVIEWS!**

**~Superscwhiizer**


	8. Chapter 7: Fear and Love

***turns on Fight Back by Raptile* Guess who's back! CHEEYAH! XD**

**I am so sorry I haven't published a new chapter in so long! But I haven't ahd any inspiration to REALLY write for this. *dies of shame***

**BUT I DOOOO NOOOOW! XD**

**{AHEM! I do not own Hetalia because if i did...well. I'll show you what would happened. *picks up notebook and flip[s to unused lemon scenes* THESE would happen. And that, sadly, is illegal for television in the USA. CURSE YOU AND YOUR BLOCKS, ALFRED! CUUUURSE YOU!}**

* * *

A month had passed since that eventful night when Mathieu had been violated and Alfred had come to his rescue.

A month had passed since he and his brother had come to turns with how they felt about each other.

Mathieu had not returned to school yet; he believed that he wasn't ready to reenter the society which had hurt him and his parents had agreed wholeheartedly. Arthur had demanded to know what had happened after the state he had seen his Canadian son in and, after they told him and Francis, he had vowed vengeance and revenge on the Cuban and albino men and the psycho bitch Natalia. And with both his parents' permission, Alfred had set out to do just that.

Alfred was planning something special for all three of them the moment Mathieu came back with him to the school. It was very _special_ indeed.

And this made Mathieu all the more nervous.

"Alfred…? Are you done yet…?" Mathieu fidgeted with his hands, standing in the doorway of the bathroom where his brother was perfecting his hair. It's not like he believed he needs it; the American was just that vain. It was a good thing that was one of the things Mathieu loved most about him.

"Patience, Canada Boy. It takes time to become this sexy." Alfred smirked at the Canadian through the mirror, receiving a cute little pink tongue sticking out at him in return.

"Come on, Al…! I need to get ready too…!" Mattie sighed, glancing at the clock. 6:45, they had fifteen minutes left before they need to leave for school.

Alfred chuckled and walked over to his brother, pulling him in by the wrist. "Then come on! Don't be shy and stay out there!" He laughed again and continued styling his hair, secretly glancing at the blonde beside him periodically. His blue eyes watched those dainty hands pick up a brush, watching as it was drawn through wavy hair once it was parted just right. He watched as Mathieu washed his face with the warm water, eyes following the little trailing lines of liquid as they reached his lips.

Unable to contain himself any longer, he leaned over and kissed Mathieu with a gentle intensity.

Mathieu's eyes widen in shock, blinking confusedly before he leaned lightly into the kiss. He felt the metaphorical paintbrush of embarrassment dust his cheeks with pink and smiled. Only Alfred could make him feel like this.

Butterflies danced and had a ball within his stomach, complaining silently as the American boy pulled away and flashed him a smirk.

"Hurry up and get ready, we need to leave for school soon."

The wavy-haired blonde watched as his brother left the bathroom, slightly stunned. Once his composure was regained, he turned back to the sink and continued to get ready. It was only five minutes later when he was completely finished and ready to go. It was amazing the kinds of things that could be accomplished in short periods of time. Of course when Alfred wasn't around it was especially as easy.

Every time he thought back to one of their few kisses, Mathieu's face would light up as bright as a tomato and he would end up smiling like an idiot. The two had even taken to curling up together in Mathieu's bed and just falling asleep in each other's arms. Nothing else ever happened; Alfred didn't push him into anything. It was perfect and peaceful and Mathieu's most favourite thing in the world.

* * *

He made his way downstairs and the sounds coming from the kitchen made him smile. Alfred was arguing with their father again and Papa seemed to be trying to keep the peace. But, as always, their French father was failing miserably and nearly ignoring the food on the stove. Mathieu silently slipped past the three arguing individuals, making his way over to the stove where Francis seemed to have been making crepes. With softly skilled hands, he flipped the crepes and placed them on plates once done. He added blackberry current jam to the fathers, strawberry to Alfred's and lemon to his own.

Equally as silently, he set the table with the dishes, utensils and milk for the each of them. Mathieu turned and smiled at his bickering family before speaking up.

"Breakfast is done…"

Immediately, Alfred stopped and smiled at him. "Food? Where?" He pushed past their parents and sat before his plate, digging into his crepe with little elegance.

But it still made the Canadian smile fondly.

They ate quickly and ran out of the house like bats out of hell, laughing and shoving each other as they got into the car. Alfred drove them to the school and parked, turning in his seat to gaze at Mathieu with a serious expression. "You sure you're ready for this?"

Mathieu smiled and nodded. "Yes…I refuse to give u my education because of some assholes who like to fuck with our lives…"

Alfred blinked before bursting out into laughter, leaning over and stealing a chaste kiss from his brother before they both left the car.

Mathieu clutched his books to his chest as they entered the school, thankful for once in his life that he was practically invisible. That meant there was no one to notice he had been gone so long. Alfred dropped him off at his locker with a promise to come get him soon before heading to his own locker. Mathieu let out a soft sigh of contentment as he turned the dial on his lock.

_12-23-01_

He pulled his locker open only to have it slammed back shut with a well pedicured hand. With a soft squeak of surprise he yanked his hand back before the locker broke anything.

"You fucking slut. You really think you could come back?" a sickening voice snarled in his ear, sending trickles of fear trailing down his back and making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

Turning slowly in fear of retribution, he gazed at the intimidating form of Natalia. The woman was standing with her hands on her hips now, standing slightly over Mathieu with her four inch heels. Behind her stood a line of her cronies, each looking at him with the same look of absolute disgust and hatred.

"N-Natalia…" Mathieu stammered out, backing up into his locker.

"I thought Ismael and Gilbert would have taken care of you. Pity…I was paying them good money." Natalia pouted a perfectly fake pout, eyes cold and hard. "I guess I'll just have to do it myself then…" she smirked at him. "But not now…now I'm just going to leave you here and make you wonder about how exactly I'm going to get you… Later, Mattie."

With that, she and her cronies turned simultaneously on their heel and strode off. They melted into the crowd with a fluidity possessed by no one but themselves.

Mathieu stood like that before turning and fumbling with his locker again. He couldn't let Alfred see him like this; couldn't let him worry. No…everything was supposed to be okay now. Everything was supposed to be normal. _Routine. _He had to put a smile on his face and not show any fear. Yes…that was what he would do. He'd fake it.

He'd always been good at that, right?

Just as he was closing his locker – softly this time – Alfred came barreling towards him looking as excited as could be.

"Mathieu!" he exclaimed. "Gilbert and Ismael were expelled! You don't have to deal with them at all now!"

Mathieu felt a little of the heavy fear float away from him. Knowing his would-be rapists weren't around just made coming back a little better. But he still felt bad for believing they were his friends. He felt like he had somehow let his brother down because of everything that had happened to him.

In all honesty, he felt dirty. He felt like a filthy whore. But no matter how hard he scrubbed his skin in the scalding water of their shower, he still felt tainted. Someone so horribly broken and dirty couldn't possibly be with someone as vibrant and full of life as Alfred was. He wished that somehow he and Alfred could have been together without everything that had happened having to have happened. He wanted a normal, loving relationship with his brother as his boyfriend. Not one that was tainted with a constant fear of something bad happening and the bad blood sliding through Mathieu's soul now.

But that wasn't possible.

All this filtered through his mind from the moment Alfred came up to him, to the end of the third period class. They weren't good thoughts but at least they were his.

As he made his way to the lunchroom, he honestly didn't know what he was going to do. Would he sit with Alfred? Would he be alone? Would Natalia get him? Numerous thoughts filtered through him as he pushed the doors open and took in the boisterous activity of the lunchroom.

But all these thoughts were dashed as he saw his brother waving frantically at him from across the room. In his hand was something which looked like an extremely large cheeseburger and was being flopped around with all the flailing. Mathieu smiled softly and, before he knew it, he was walking towards his brother and sliding into the seat that was left open for him next to Alfred.

"Hey, Mattie! Guess what! In PE today we…"

Mathieu smiled as he listened to his brother's voice. He didn't so much care about the words Alfred was saying so much as the tone of voice.

Alfred's voice was sweet as milk chocolate to him and filled him with a sense of lightness that he rarely felt. This was something special that only Alfred could cause inside of him – he cherished it.

As all of Alfred's attentions were trained on Mathieu, as were those of a particular Belarusian girl. An apple burst within her hand from anger before she stalked out, snarling a warning to Mathieu though he couldn't hear it.

"Beware, faggot… I will take my man _back._"

* * *

**I really want a bagel...does anyone else want one? I want a bagel with creme cheese and lemon spread on it. *Q* Those are sooo good!**

**Okay! Back on topic! REVIEW! REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY AND CREATE MAGICAL CREME CHEESE/LEMON SPREAD BAGELS TO FUEL MY CREATIVITY!**

**Next week is Sakura Con. Anyone going? If you want to talk to me about anything regarding the story, I'll be walking around dressed as Natsuo Sagan with either and America, Kappa, Casual Ikkaku from Bleazch, or an Ai Enma from Hell Girl. If you want to make sure it's me just shout out SUPERSCHWIIZER (pronounced Sooper-Shveetzer) and I'll whirl around and do a little dance for you. XD Nah, I'll probably just turn around and be bloody confused until I figure out "Hey! I'm Superschwiizer!" XD But yeah! I'm totally open to hanging out if anyone wants toooo!**

**I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**~Superschwiizer**


	9. Chapter 8: Don't Go Out at Night

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been super busy with school and my health problems were jsut getting out of hand! I've been going to a bunch of doctors and gotten a bunch of tests done and they think they know what's wrong with me. I'm on this little pill now that seems to make everything better, it just gives me morning sickness every day. . I wish side affects didn't exist!**

**ANYWAYS! Enough about me! This chapter was written while I was listening to some very sad songs and I think that's why it turned out this way. And I must warn you...**

**If you can't handle blood, you may not like this chapter. But please! Read it anyway! I work too ahr don this for people not to read it! ./**

**DISCLAIMER: Superschwiizer owns nothing. If she did, she would be having Mattie cure her health problems with his free healthcare.**

* * *

"When did it get so dark…?" Mathieu sighed as he glanced out the tall window of the school library. He finished packing his bag and made his way off the campus.

The library was an innocent sanctuary for him. A place where he could forget about everything that had happened and just immerse himself in worlds that seemed so much better than his own. On this particular night though, he had been there for purely academic reasons and nothing more. His history teacher had given out an assignment for an essay about the rise and fall of the Kingdom of Prussia. Mathieu had spent all day after school at the library, much to the chagrin of Alfred.

He smiled fondly as he made his way through the dark streets towards his home. Sure, Alfred wasn't the biggest bookworm in the world, but that was alright. Mathieu loved how, whenever he was reading a book, Alfred would come and cuddle close to him on his bed and ultimately falling asleep. It was just one of those little things that made the Canadian love his brother even more than he already did.

The path to his home seemed to keep growing longer and longer as paranoia set on from the dark began latching onto him. He knew it was foolish to be afraid of the dark at his age but it had always terrified him. Ever since he and Alfred had been children, he had dreaded ever going somewhere dark. Alfred had simply laughed it off, telling him that he would protect him because he was "The Hero!".

The lavender eyed boy adjusted the grip on the books in his arms as his mobile phone rang. Balancing them on one hip, he fished the annoying device out of his pocket and pressed the answer but as he put it to his ear. "Hello?"

_"Mattie!"_

Mathieu smiled at the sound of his overly excited brother. "Hello, Alfred… What is it?"

_"Where are you? You were supposed to be an hour ago!"_

"I'm sorry…I lost track of time at the library…"

There was there was a pause and a loud swear, probably from Alfred dying in his game, before he responded to his brother. _"I got worried when you didn't get home. You should call when you're going to be late!"_

Mathieu smiled softly at the concern in his brother's voice. He was probably embarrassed by his own words as well. "I promise not to do it again…"

_"Well good! When will you be home?"_

"It shouldn't be too much longer… I'm close to home…" Mathieu's eyes widened slightly as he heard the soft sound of footsteps behind him but he managed to keep his sudden nervousness out of his voice.

Clutching his history books close to his chest, he stopped and turned. His lavender eyes surveyed the area for anything amiss. Finding nothing out of the ordinary he turned with a soft sigh of relief, only to come face to face with the one who constantly plagued his nightmares.

_"Mattie?"_ Alfred called through the phone, sounding worried that his brother wasn't answering. _"Mattie? Are you still there?"_

Natalia smirked mirthlessly at him, behind her and army of her goons that had never liked Mathieu much.

"Hello, Mathieu." She purred cloyingly, stepping close to the little Canadian.

She grabbed the phone out of his hand and threw it off into the bushes somewhere. Mattie flinched as he heard it crack hard against the cement of the sidewalk. That phone wasn't cheap…

Mathieu cowered, icy fingers of fear clawing at his stomach. "N-Natalia…?" he murmured softly. His hands shook where they held onto his books, knuckles turning white from the pressure.

"I told you I would be getting my revenge soon, didn't I?" Natalia trailed a perfectly manicured fingertip down his cheek before grabbing his chin roughly. The action caused Mathieu to drop his books and clutch at her wrist. "My god! You're such a fucking weakling!"

She laughed and her entire army laughed with her. Her cackling stopped suddenly and she roughly grabbed Mathieu by the front of his shirt, roughly shoving him back so he hid the ground with a hard thwack.

"Do with him as you see fit…just make sure to leave him bloody and bruised," Natalia turned on her heel to sit back and watch as her goons came over.

Mathieu gazed up with fear in his eyes as they towered over him. He squeezed his eyes shut just before the blows began. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks and he sobbed silently into his hands. Blood started to coat his frail body, turning its normal porcelain appearance into a darkened crimson colour.

Ribs cracked.

Skin broke.

Bones bruised.

Blood streamed from each wound.

Mathieu opened his eyes just barely, watching them inflict the torture upon his body and he couldn't help but think…

_What did I do to deserve this_? A cut drawn down his leg.

_Is this all my fault?_ A rib cracking under a steal toed boot.

_Why won't anyone help me?_ The wind thrust from his body by a well-aimed fist.

The cold fingers of realization slowly crept up his spine. His body couldn't take anymore. If they kept going…if they kept hurting him…he might not make it. But they didn't stop. Everything escalated to the point where he was bleeding from almost every surface of his body. Words of how horrid and worthless he was were carved into his back.

And then they stopped.

With the final word spelled out across his lower back, they stepped back and wiped their bloody hands off on cloths given by Natalia.

Natalia smirked and walked over to Mathieu, surveying the damage before pulling out a digital camera. "Say maple~" she giggled before taking numerous pictures of Mattie's bruised and battered body.

Once she was finished with her gruesome photo-shoot, she and her small army simply turned and left; leaving Mattie all alone.

Mathieu stared up at the sky through half closed eyes and broken glasses. Tears slid down his cheeks and mixed with the blood all over his body. He couldn't remember every single blow he had gotten, but he figured that he'd find them soon enough.

Weakly, his eyes fluttered closed and his breath became more and more shallow. He silently began praying to anyone of anything that would listen. He prayed for his brother to be happy, for his pain to go away, for someone to find him, and finally…for someone to kill Natalia.

The feeling in Mathieu's body was slowly becoming numb and he just barely opened his eyes. A tiny smile graced his lips before he completely lost consciousness.

_I'm sorry Alfred…I don't think I'll be home anymore…_

* * *

**I feel so bad for doing this to my beloved Mattie... Sigh... I really wish that Natalia would just did. .**

**WAIT! I'm the authour! I can do that! XD**

**So I'm going to go completely off topic for a bit.**

**My friend Rebecca and I roleplay with our Hetalia OCs quite a bit. Mine is Greenland and hers is French Guiana. I have quite recently disovered that I am a writer, not an artist. So if someone would like to draw Greenland for me I would be so happy! She has snow white hair that falls to her lower back in softly waves with a little curl (like Italy's) that represents Nuuk, she has ice blue eyes and has very pale skin. She wears a hooded, white fur cloak(kind of like Fai's from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles) with the Danish military uniform underneath. I would draw her myself but...I can't draw. XD I'm accepting requests for any kind of oneshot people would like but the ones that are accompanied with a sketch of Greenland will get top priority!**

**I'm so excited to see everyones variations on my beloved OC!**

**~Superschwiizer**


	10. Chapter 9: Tears of an Angel

**Wow! A second upload in such short a amount of time! It's like a record! XD**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MADE ME CRY HARDER WRITING IT THAN ANYTHING ELSE BEFORE. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE SADNESS, LEAVE. I WOULD BLAME YOU. IT IS REALLY. REALLY SAD.**

**Disclaimer: Superschwiizer owns nothing because is she did, Switzerland would be living with her. **

* * *

Alfred was frozen, staring at his phone. Where had Mattie gone? Did he hang up? Die something happen?

He closed his phone and slowly slid it into his pocket. The thoughts swirling in his head were ones of the worst possible outcomes for his brother. But he knew he couldn't worry too much or else that outcome might be true. Standing quickly, knocking over a bowl of popcorn in the process, the worried American made his way to the kitchen where his parents were talking. The two were discussing quite in depth the results of that night's American idol and whom they believed would win.

"Hey Dad? Papa?"

Arthur looked up at his son, arching a single bushy eyebrow. "What is it, Alfred? Can't you see we're discussing something of the utmost importance?"

"Yeah, I understand that American Idol is a life or death thing but I need to ask you something." He fidgeted back and forth, shifting his weight from his left leg to his right. Deep within him, he felt like something was wrong. Like something had happened to Mattie that he should have been there to stop.

"What is it?" Francis spoke this time, his cheerful smile a sweet relief to the annoyed gaze of his Dad.

"What road does Mattie take to get home from the school?"

The British man thought for a minute before answering his son, "He takes the main road. The one you drive to school on. Why?"

"I'll explain later!" Alfred dashed to the coat closet and grabbed his coat before quickly pulling his vans on.

"What? Alfred?" Arthur stood quickly, completely confused. "Where are you going?"

The cerulean eyed American glanced back at his father for a split second before bolting out the door. "I'm going to get Mattie!"

Francis and Arthur stared after him, gaping slightly. They were completely stunned as to why their son had just run out the door with nearly no warning.

"Who was that and where did Alfred go?" Francis asked, dead serious.

Arthur glared at him and wacked his arm. "Oh shut up."

* * *

"Where…are you, Mattie?"

Alfred was running down the main street looking for his beloved brother. So far he had seen nothing that could signal that the Canadian had even gone this way. But he was only a few blocks down the street so there was plenty of ground he just hadn't covered yet.

Something lying on the side of the road caught his eye and he frowned. Panting softly, Alfred slowed to a walk and headed over to it slowly. The closer he got to it, the more worried he got. Was it Mattie? Was he dead? Is he just being an idiot? It was only when he was standing not two feet from it that he noticed the blood.

It was everywhere. Pooling around whatever it was on the ground and seeping through the streets. In the dim street lamps, it shone with unhealthy coppery tones.

Taking a step forward, the horror finally and completely settled into Alfred's chest.

It was Mattie. His Mattie.

He was lying on his back with his eyes closed, completely bruised, bloodied and broken. His precious brother; the one e loved more than anything.

"M-Mathieu…"

Alfred could suddenly not breath, collapsing to his knees beside the unconscious form of his brother. The tears started flowing then; burning hot and salty down his cheeks to fall onto the blood coated ground. He couldn't begin to comprehend what happened as he reached out a hand and gently touched his brother's cheek. The icy flesh made him flinch and a soft sob wrack itself from his chest. A fresh wave of misery had the sobs wracking his body uncontrollably, causing him to have to brace himself on his hands and knees beside his brother.

He gasped to catch his breath through the tears, moving so he could gaze down at the beautiful face of the young Canadian. Delicately, he brushed the soft waves away from Mathieu's face and leant down. Alfred just barely press there lips together in a loving kiss before the metallic tang of blood enters his mouth. Alfred jolted back at the foreign taste and gazed down at his brother.

Mathieu's glasses were broken, the glass cracked and dusting his cheeks lightly. The American's cerulean gaze trailed down the form of his beloved, shocked eyes taking in every single wound.

_Someone_ had to pay for doing this.

_Someone_ had to _die_ for doing this.

Slowly but surely, Alfred's senses returned to him and he managed to fish his mobile phone from his pocket and dial 911. He quietly gave their location and the information he knew before closing the phone. He didn't even wait for the woman with the kind voice on the other end to ask if he wanted her to stay on the line because he already knew the answer to the question.

Alfred didn't want to hear anyone's voice besides that of his Mathieu.

Minutes later, the sirens of two ambulances came roaring from the head of the street and stopped beside them. Alfred could only stumble back until he was out of the way and watch as the paramedics loaded his brother onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance.

"Sir?" One of the paramedics had come up to him but he could only glance at her for a second before looking back to Mattie. "Sir, you may ride with him if you want."

Alfred could only nod as she helped him into the back. He sat on a seat beside Mathieu and took his hand delicately in both of his. Watching his brother as they ambulance driver hurried to the hospital, he could only wish for everything to be alright.

So, for the first time he could ever remember, Alfred closed his eyes and prayed. He prayed for his brother to be safe and for his attackers to be persecuted. But most of all, he prayed for Mathieu to open his eyes and tell him he loves him in that soft, beautiful voice of his.

* * *

"_Wait up, Alfred!" Mathieu was panting for breath as he raced to catch up to his brother. His little legs couldn't seem to move as fast and the polar bear plush he was clutching seemed to weigh his entire body down._

"_No way, Mattie! You're too slow!" Alfred laughed, far ahead of Mathieu._

_Pouting at being called slow, Mathieu sped up to as fast as his little body could possibly go. Managing to catch up to his brother before the two of the tumbled down the green grass of a hill. They wrestled and giggled all the way down, landing on their backs on the bottom completely out of breath. The two of them remained silent as they gazed up at the night. _

_When you were this far out into the French countryside, the stars were clearer than anywhere else. The dusted the blackness of space with their delicate light and shone down upon the forms of the two six-year-old brothers._

_A firefly landed lightly on the tip of Mathieu's nose, making him go cross-eyed so as to see it. "A-Alfred! It-it's on me! What do I do?"_

_The little American frowned and rolled over, pulling up a dandelion and pointing it at the offending firefly. "Get of my brother, meanie! Yer scaring him!"_

_The firefly gave them both a bored look before flitting off to join its brethren around the meadow. But the smaller, Canadian brother was left a crying mess. He didn't like it when random things touched him, much less ones that shone at night._

"_Mattie! Don't cry, Mattie! The mean buggy is gone! Don't cry!" Alfred comforted his brother, hugging him close with his short arms. Mathieu clung to his brother._

_He felt absolutely ridiculous. Wasn't he supposed to be the big brother? Why was he always relying on Alfred to keep him safe and not scared? It wasn't right…_

_As if reading his thoughts, Alfred pressed and gentle and brotherly kiss to Mathieu's forehead. "Don't be sad, Mattie… I'll always protect you. No matter what." He grinned then, looking completely and utterly pleased with himself. "And ya know why?"_

_Mathieu sniffled delicately and looked up at him, bottom lip quivering delicately as he sniffled again. "Wh-why?"_

"_Because I'm the hero and I love you, Mattie" Alfred giggled happily, cuddling close to his brother._

_Mathieu smiled softly, blushing at how affectionate his brother was being. But he didn't care; it was nice to feel loved. The Canadian closed his lavender eyes with a happy sigh, content to rest against his brother for the rest of his life._

"Mattie!"

_Frowning, Mathieu opened an eye and looked around. He sat bolt upright as panic began setting into his chest. The meadow and his brother were both gone. In their place was a black abyss of empty nothingness._

"Mattie!"

_Mathieu flinched as he heard the voice again, curling up into the fetal position as he bean to cry. "Go away! Go away and give me my brother back!"_

"Mattie! Mattie, please wake up!"

_The darkness began to get too bright, stinging the young Canadian's eyes. He squeezed them shut and softly whimpered. "Please…just let me sleep…go away…"_

"I love you!"

_The darkness faltered even more. Love? Love? Who loved him? He couldn't remember…couldn't recognize the voice…couldn't…couldn't… What couldn't he do?_

"Mattie? Mattie!"

Mathieu's eyes flew wide as he gasped for air once quickly before falling into a fit of coughs. Pain began to register within him and he immediately stopped, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he squeezed them shot again. Very faintly, his ears detected the beeping sounds of some sort of machine and the pumping of an oxygen bag. Slowly, he opened his eyes again.

The light in the room was blindingly white, making him squint slightly from the sudden onslaught. Instantly his vision was filled by an all too familiar form.

"Al…?" he managed to murmur before going into another fit of wracking coughs, eyes closing as the pain set in. "Ow…"

Above him, Alfred let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god… Mattie… You're alive…you're alive…"

Mathieu blinked in confusion as a soft droplet of water hit his cheek. Alfred was crying? Why was Alfred crying? Did he do something wrong? Had Dad yelled at him again?

He didn't know. But Mattie couldn't help but think of how absolutely beautiful it was. It was as if tears of an angel were falling onto his cheeks from the man above him. Oh how much he wanted to reach out and brush those tears away, to make sure Alfred didn't have to cry. But he couldn't find the strength and it hurt him deep inside.

Why wouldn't his body work so he could cling to his brother?

"Wh-what…happ…ened…?" he whispered softly, ignoring the pain of trying to talk.

Alfred opened his mouth to answer but before he could, Arthur and Francis came walking into the room. Behind them were two police officers and a worried doctor.

"That's what we'd like to know." One police officer said with a frown on his lips.

Mathieu was confused. Did he do something? Did Alfred do something?

"Al…?" He looked up at his brother, confusion in his lavender eyes.

Alfred simply smiled and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Don't worry…I'm right here…"

The police officers closed the door behind them and walked over to the bed. Instantly Mathieu felt trapped by their gazes. But there was nothing he could do to avoid it.

The officers started their explanation of what had happened to Mathieu and he could only lay there, eyes wide. He couldn't believe it. Someone had attacked him? They'd tried to kill him? But _why_? What had he done wrong?

Then it hit him.

Right in the middle of the officers explaining the state in which he was found, Mathieu remembered something he had done wrong.

He'd taken Alfred away from Natalia.

He'd triggered her into doing this to him. It was his fault.

He _deserved_ this.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the officers left along with the doctor, Arthur and Francis. Leaving Mathieu in the care of Alfred until they returned.

Alfred moved and sat on the edge of the bed next to his beloved, gently taking his hand in both of his. "Mathieu…?" he whispered, kissing the tips of his fingers delicately.

Mathieu turned his lavender gaze upon his brother. He studied the cerulean eyes of his love. They were so pure; so loving and gentle that it hurt. He didn't deserve it. Someone like him could never deserve to have someone as wonderful as Alfred. Swallowing back the tears, he reached out the hand not clutched by his brother and lightly placed it on Alfred's cheek.

"Mattie?" the American murmured, leaning into the gentle touch out of instinct.

Mathieu slowly memorized the face of his love, eyes traveling over ever contour and line of it until he had it completely etched into his mind. A pain began creeping its way through his body, starting at his toes and inching towards his heart.

"Alfred…Alfred…" he whispered, unable to hold in any more tears. "I love you…I love you more than anything…"

And then the pain hit his heart.

Alfred watched in horror as Mattie's eyes closed and the heart monitor began shrieking a single, lonely flat line.

"Mattie?" Alfred's eyes widened and he stood too quickly, knocking a nearby trash can over. He shook the little Canadian but he wouldn't wake up.

Quicker than lightning, the doctor and his team came running in. A nurse ran to Alfred, and pulled him back, keeping the hysterical American from causing any more damage.

"Sir you need to wait outside!"

"No! Mattie! Mattie, don't you dare leave me!"

The nurse somehow manages to get him outside and locked the door on him.

Alfred fell to his knees and banged his fists on the door, splintering the wood in the process. But not managing to break it open. He sobbed roughly with his forehead pressed to the only thing blocking him from his love, his once strong shoulders shaking from the violence of his sadness. This wasn't fair… No one was supposed to take Mattie away from him! He was his!

He loved him more than any God that could take him away!

Slamming his fists one more time, Alfred screamed out his Mattie's name at the top of his lungs. He made sure everyone knew his anguish and those they understand that. Every emotion he had ever felt for the little Canadian was super charged into his name. It echoed down every hallway of the hospital. It spoke of true love between brothers and the pain of being torn apart.

It spoke of life.

"_MATTIE!"_

* * *

**Sooo...how many of you hate me? I kind of hate me! _I_ can't believe I did this! What the hell is _wrong_ with me? AERGSKJLGHDASJKHWAJgB! .**

**To everyone who actually read this, I commend you! And if you cried, I respect you!**

**And I promise you, this is not the end.**

**RATE AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

**~Superschwiizer**


	11. Chapter 10: What!

**IT HAS BEEN SO LONG! Holy crap! Well...At least it's up now, right? :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia. If I did...heh heh heh... ;)**

* * *

Everything was falling apart.

With Mattie in the hospital, what did Alfred have to live for? Nothing. Not one fucking thing. Without the little Canadian in his arms, he was_ lifeless_. He'd sit up in Mattie's room and stare at nothing for hours, as if the pristine white walls held some sort of answer to every one of his problems. Alfred had even taken to sleeping in his brother's bed, holding the red and white pillows close, and whispering Mathieu's name over and over in his sleep. In the three weeks since Mattie had entered the ICU at the hospital, Alfred hadn't been allowed to see him. Neither had Francis and Arthur. The doctors had said that it was because they didn't want to get their hopes up of Mathieu ever waking up again.

What bullshit.

Alfred knew that it was because of his and Mattie's love for each other. Even though their parents hadn't cared, most of society still found them wrong and disgusting. Was it really that bad that he just wanted to love and hold his brother in more then just an emotional away? No, it wasn't. Not when they had gone through everything they had together. Mathieu was his beautiful, gentle brother and deserved someone like him who knew everything about him to make him happy.

One week after Mattie had entered the ICU, Alfred had gone to see him. But he was turned away. Apparently the lavender eyed boy was in too bad of condition to be seen right now. Alfred hadn't taken no for an answer.

"But he's my brother," he had said, tugging at his hair like he often did when frustrated. "I should be allowed to see him."

The nurse had simply apologized politely and turned him away, stating that it just wasn't regulation to let someone in so early on.

Alfred sighed and turned over onto his back, gazing up at the little stick on, glow in the dark stars on Mathieu's ceiling. "Who would do that to you, Mattie?" he asked the empty room. There was no answer.

Sighing once more, Alfred sat up and gazed around the room. He had done this countless times but felt almost compelled to do it. His cerulean gaze took in the photo covered walls, the chair tucked into the corner where teddies from their childhood sat, the mahogany dresser, and even the trash bin which nearly overflowed with little bits of notes and poetry Mathieu had written and discarded.

Finally, once he had once again memorized every object in the room, Alfred allowed his eyes to settle on Mr Kumajirou. Salty tears filled his eyes, the sadness of seeing his brother's favourite teddy almost too much for him to handle. He stood on legs of jell-o before walking over and picking the white polar bear up.

He squeezed its middle, tears finally falling as it let out a little "Who're you?" Alfred held the teddy close to him, crying into its fur. He felt absolutely pathetic, sobbing like a baby into his brother's teddy like this. But the tears wouldn't stop flowing and his heart wouldn't stop hurting. Not until he had his beautiful, lavender-eyed, Canadian brother back and bundled up close into his arms. Not until he could protect him from everything evil in the world. Not until he destroyed whoever hurt him.

After a good thirty minutes of seemingly endless sobbing, Alfred finally composed himself enough to stop. He stared at Mr Kumajirou for a few more moments before quickly jogging out of Mathieu's room. He quickly slid his vans on before hurrying into the car.

Delicately, he placed Mr Kumajirou in the passenger's seat. With one last glance at the little bear, Alfred drove off in the direction of the hospital.

Like hell anyone was keeping him from his Mathieu any longer.

* * *

_Why hasn't he come to see me? _Mathieu thought with a soft sigh, staring up at the speckled ceiling of his hospital room. He was currently awaiting the results of a few extremely vital tests. Apparently when they were performing surgery, something had gone wrong and he'd lost almost too much blood. His white blood cell count and iron levels were extremely low to begin with so now they were worried that something even more was wrong then just the beating that had been dealt to him.

But that wasn't what he was worried about at the moment.

Three days ago, he'd awoken with a splitting headache and an even worse pain throughout the rest of his body. He couldn't remember a thing that had happened, no matter how hard he tried, and no one would tell him. Whenever he'd asked where his brother was, the answer was the same. No one knew. They all said that he hadn't come to see him once in the nearly three weeks since he had gone into his coma.

Mathieu had chocked it up to being school or their parents away at first, not Alfred. But now as he thought about it more and more, it became more and more probable that Alfred didn't love him anymore because he would be so scarred after this.

That possibility had scared him more then any unknown attacker. At one point, he'd had his heart racing so fast at the possibility of being alone that the doctor had had to come in and yell at him. But that had done nothing to quell his fear. Mathieu still thought about every scenario in which he was forever alone and Alfred never loved him to begin with.

Mathieu turned his lavender gaze to the window, pleading silently for the tears obscuring his vision to vanish. The snowy white fluff ball clouds filtered slowly through the precious blue sky. Tears barely swayed in an unintelligible breeze, their leaves brushing together with a soft sigh. The little Canadian just lay there for a while, listening to the soothing rustle and dwelling deep within his thoughts.

There just wasn't any logical reason for Alfred to stay away. That was, unless, he just didn't love him anymore. But that could never be true…right? Alfred even said he loved him. And there was no lying in those deep, cerulean eyes that Mathieu would melt into at any chance he could take. There was no hesitation when those beautiful lips would part and whisper loving phrases into his ear as they lay in bed together, just waiting to sleep so they could hold each other all through the night.

"I want Alfred…" Mathieu whispered softly to the empty room, finding that his tears had returned tenfold. He whimpered delicately, trying to wipe his eyes clear of the offending liquid.

Maybe everything was just meant to be some kind of sick fairytale for Mathieu to have to cope with. There was no logical reason for why his own brother would ever love him, so why did he say he did? Mathieu had no idea. He didn't even know how to react when he awoke. Everything was just a blur, all the days meshed tightly together, and he couldn't tell left from right anymore.

So when the door burst open, and Alfred came dashing inside, Mathieu could only stare up at him blankly. The words spilling from the American's mouth were gibberish to Mathieu's ear, flowing together into one giant net of sound. A frown tugged at the corners of Alfred's mouth, as if he realized that Mathieu wasn't listening, and he placed his hands on his brother's shoulder, shaking him lightly. Mr Kumajirou fell from his grip onto the bed as he leaned forward on it slightly, using his knee for leverage and balance.

"Mathieu?" he asked, his voice quieted some from his earlier yelling.

Mathieu only stared up at him, unable to keep up with what was going on.

"Mattie, what's wrong? Why aren't you talking?" Alfred was panicking now, his cerulean eyes wide and confused. "Please…say something! Anything!"

_Go away._ The Canadian thought, looking away from his brother. _Go away. _He clenched his fists on top of the bed sheets, trying not to speak his silent wishes.

But failing miserably.

"Mattie…?"

"Go away…"

Mathieu kept his eyes averted so he didn't have to see the sudden hurt in Alfred's eyes. He didn't know what had made him say that but he couldn't help it. He just didn't want Alfred there for some reason.

And he didn't know why.

"Mattie…no…no! I will not leave!" Alfred fell to his knees by Mathieu's bed, placing his hands beside his brother. "Why would you even tell me to…?"

"Because you weren't here. You didn't come see me once. Not fucking once," Mathieu turned his angry and hurt lavender gaze up the American. Cold fury burned from his soul, attacking Alfred silently.

"M-Mattie, I don't—"

"Don't 'Mattie' me, Alfred. You weren't here when I woke up; you weren't here for the weeks beforehand; you weren't here. What's your excuse Alfred?"

Alfred opened his mouth to speak but flinched when Mathieu cut him off again.

"Just get the hell out of my room, Alfred. Go. God, go be with Natalia for all I fucking care." Mathieu didn't bat an eye when Alfred visibly flinched at the idea. "Just go, Alfred. Please."

Alfred stared in shock at his bedridden brother. What had he done to deserve this? Not a thing that he knew of, but apparently Mathieu had been thinking quite a bit about this while awake. _Please just be the pain medicine…"_ he pleaded silently, moving onto the bed to sit beside his brother. "Mathieu…"

Mattie turned his face away, tears pricking his eyes. He didn't warrant the American an answer, deeming to instead ignore him. Much like a child would.

"Mathieu…I love you more than anything. You know that. You're my entire world and I would kill for you if you wanted me to. Hell, I would die for you." He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, looking down at his hands. "I didn't come because…I wasn't allowed. The Nurses and Doctors kept telling me to stay away and that you weren't healthy. But I kept coming back anyway," he continued, reaching to floor and picking up Mr Kumajirou. He settled the little polar bear into the crook of Mathieu's arm, which instantly encircled the beloved teddy. "I came here to give you him back. I know how you love him…" he finished, standing to go.

Just as he was turning away, Mathieu lifted his hand and reached out. He grabbed onto the back of Alfred's shirt, biting his lower lip between white teeth. "Don't go…" he pleaded quietly, tears threatening to cascade down his cheeks. "I…I didn't know…"

Alfred felt himself grinning softly, turning to face his brother. "Why would I ever leave you?" he chuckled, taking one of Mathieu's hands in between both of his and bringing it to his lips. "I love you so much…" He gently kissed each of Mathieu's fingertips, delighting in the blush that spread across his beloved brother's cheeks.

The spent about an hour simply talking, Mathieu suddenly became quiet. He glanced around the room, examining everything to make sure the room really was empty, before looking back to Alfred. His lavender eyes were serious and sullen, as if he had remembered something of vital importance.

"Al…I remember who did this to me."

Alfred's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

Mattie nodded, looking down at his hands. He clenched and unclenched them, examining how their hands move. "Yes…it-it…uhmm…it was…" Mattie's voice fell to barely a whisper. "It was Natalia…"

"WHAT?" Alfred's eyes flew even wider.

Mattie nodded, keeping his gaze downcast as he began to tell Alfred the entire story. He spoke in his same soft way as usual, but his voice was shaking almost violently. But he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. He needed Alfred to know what exactly Natalia had done to him, how she had hurt him, and why he was now in the hospital. It was all her fault. The beautiful, Belarusian witch, who once held Alfred's heart, wasn't as beautiful a personality as a face. Mathieu didn't stop speaking even as the tears began to flow in unabashed torrents down his cheeks and fell to his sheets, staining them with sadness. When he was finally done, Mathieu and Alfred just sat there. Neither of them spoke; neither of them knew what to say.

But words didn't need to be spoken. And as Mattie looked up and reached out his arms to his brother, lavender eyes filled with pain and fear, he knew everything would be okay as Alfred immediately took him into his arms. Mattie sighed happily at the sudden comfort, eyes falling half closed as he finally calmed down to a point of coherency.

"We have to get her," he said softly. "She deserves to pay."

Alfred simply hummed his agreement, and that was enough for Mathieu.

Because now Natalia was going to get what she deserved.

* * *

**And next time in I Am Broken - NATALIA GET'S WHAT SHE DESERVES!**

**And trust me, my dears...it will be sweet. ;)**

**~Superschwiizer**


	12. Chapter 11: I Am Loved  It's Done

**Yes, yes. I know. I've been gone for too long. But it's just because I've been planning my next USCAN story. X3 If you really want to know about it, read this chapter. And at my end note, you'll find out just what my twisted mind has thought up now. It will be absolutely marvelous.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, AMttie, Al or any of the other characters used. if I did...ohonhonhonhon ;3**

* * *

"Are you sure that would work…?"

"Positive, Mattie. There's no chance that they can't reciprocate what she did to you. I promise."

"If you think so…"

Mattie curled up closer to his brother, cringing slightly at the achy pain he still felt. A few days earlier he'd been released from the hospital with strict orders to not return to school this semester and take it easy. Apparently his body wasn't 'happy', as his nurse had so eloquently put it. But that was all right. He was able to get all of his lessons only and Alfred would bring him the homework his teachers needed. And he didn't need to once get out of bed.

That pleased the semi-lazy Canadian to no end.

But what surprised Mattie the most was that Alfred was always giving him his complete attention. The dirty blonde man had always had issues with his attention span so it was nearly a miracle that he would get completely enraptured by anything that his brother was saying. Mattie supposed it was because he had gotten hurt but that was alright. He liked having Alfred's complete attention.

"Hey, Al…?" he spoke quietly, looking down and playing with his hands.

"Yeah, Mattie?" Mattie looked up again to his brother's gentle eyes and loving smile; a petite blush spread over the Canadian's cheeks.

"I…I love you…"

Alfred just stared at Mattie without a hint of expression on his face, making the young Canadian squirm. Mattie bit his lip and looked away, hands clutching at the hems of his sleeves. He shouldn't have said that. He never knew when or how he should tell Alfred he should love him. Alfred never gave him a reason to doubt that the other loved him so it really was alright. Mattie just wished that he was better at telling his brother he loved him.

"Love you too, Mattie," Alfred finally chuckled, gently placing hand on Mattie's carefully bandaged cheek.

Mattie smiled shyly up at him, leaning subconsciously into Alfred's hand. His own hands came up and rested over his brother's as his eyes closed, simply relishing the feeling of Alfred's warmth. He never understood how he was able to survive so long denying the fact that he was in love with Alfred. Now that he had him, he couldn't imagine living without him. Even the few days he spent at the hospital had left him feeling cold and tired, as if he couldn't function correctly without Alfred's cheerful energy. That realization didn't really bother him, though.

"Kiss me," Mattie suddenly said, looking up at Alfred. "I want you to kiss me."

Alfred chuckled, leaning down closer to the now blushing Canadian. "Yes, sir."

Mattie squeaked cutely as Alfred kissed him, closing his eyes as his arms went up to encircle loosely around his brother's neck. He blushed brighter when he felt one of Alfred's hand threads its fingers through his semi-long wavy hair and his other hand go to rest on the small of the Canadian's back. The delicate friction of their lips moving together fell into a soft rhythm of suction with Alfred nipping at Mathieu's lower lip for entrance to his brother's mouth. A quiet gasp allowed the American entrance, moving his slick tongue to invade the Canadian's mouth.

A soft whimper escaped Mattie's mouth as his hands moved down to grasp at Alfred's 'Black Veil Brides' band t-shirt. His face flushed as their tongues melded together and rubbed against one another melodically. This was perfect; absolute bliss. And he never wanted it to stop.

Mattie's lavender eyes opened as Alfred lifted him slightly before laying him back on the fluffy comforter of the American's bed. He nestled comfortably on the red, white and blue, gazing up at his brother with loving eyes. Alfred grinned back down at him, leaning over him with his hands on either side of the Canadian's head.

"You're beautiful," he whispered softly. "And you mean everything to me." Then Alfred leant down, capturing his brother's lips with his own again.

Mathieu quickly kissed him back, slipping his hands up to entwine through his brother's messy hair. Gentle tears began to flow from the corners of his eyes, quickly swallowed up and forgotten in the intensity of the kiss. Mattie arched his back as Alfred slid his shirt up and off, his cheeks tingling bright pink as the American's eyes danced over his bare chest. But never once did he feel ugly or exposed. Not like how he had felt that time so long ago with Gilbert and Ismael.

As the remembrance of that near rape, Mathieu's eyes flew wide and he began to panic. He quickly pushed at Alfred's chest, breaking the kiss and sobbing quietly. He gazed at Alfred with wide lavender eyes, flinching at the hurt in those cerulean pools of emotion. Quickly Mathieu slid up and back against the headboard, drawing his knees to his chest and holding his head in his hands. His eyes closed as he rocked slightly, chanting softly to the room.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…sorry…sorry…sorry…sorry…"

Alfred gazed at him with sad eyes, knowing exactly why his brother had reacted in such a way. But he knew he couldn't just leave Mathieu alone. Slowly, so as not to frighten away his beautiful Canadian, he crawled over to sit in front of him.

"Mathieu…" he whispered gently, taking his glasses off and setting them on the nightstand. "Look at me, Mathieu."

Struggling with himself internally, Mattie opened his eyes but looked just to the right of Alfred's head. He couldn't take the intensity of those eyes. They made him feel so exposed, and right now he didn't even feel he deserved to look at them.

It had been weeks since he thought of the albino Prussian and Cuban man. And even longer since he had thought about what they had done. But it seemed like he was still broken by it. His soul hadn't had enough time to heal; and that was a scary thought. Would his soul ever heal? Would his mind? Mathieu never knew the answers to those questions. And he never thought he would.

"I can see your halo, Mattie."

Mathieu's eyes snapped to him in surprise, his delicate eyebrows furrowing together at Alfred's lazy smile. " Wh-What…?"

"You think you're so dirty, Mattie…but you're really an angel."

"But I am dirty," Mathieu shook his head, tear drops scattering from his eyes. "I can't be touched by you…or you'll be dirtied too…"

Alfred watched Mattie for a long time, still smiling as gently as ever. Mathieu squirmed slightly under his gaze, looking away again.

"Then let me cleanse you."

Mattie looked at him in surprise again. "Cleanse….me?" he asked softly.

Alfred nodded and reached out, slipping his arms under Mathieu's form bridal style before standing and lifting him. He carried his little bundle into their bathroom, ignoring the struggling he made. He set Mattie down on the counter before quickly locking both doors. Turning towards the large porcelain tub, he set the water to a comfortably warm level and let it fill.

Mathieu watched him the entire time from his seat on the counter. He lavender eyes never left the broad expanse of his brother's back. What the American meant by cleanse, he had no idea. And that scared Mathieu a little. He knew that there wasn't any reason for him to be scared of Alfred. He would never hurt him or even think of hurting him. But the fear of an unknown 'cleansing' did scare him.

"Come here, Mattie." Mathieu looked up as Alfred lifted him from the counter and set him down to stand beside the bathtub. He slowly began to strip Mattie of the rest of his clothing, making those lavender eyes widen in terror.

"No…no! St-Stop it!" Mattie begged, trying to get away from his much stronger brother. "P-Please…don't…" He sobbed softly as Alfred divested him of his boxers and socks and lifted him again, delicately kissing his forehead.

"I won't hurt you," Alfred whispered before lowering Mattie into the water. He knelt beside the bathtub and smiled lovingly at his confused brother, stroking his hair lightly.

"A-Al…?" Mattie whimpered softly, flinching slightly at the hand stroking his hair. A delicate blush flit over his cheeks as Alfred picked up a sponge, poured some apple scented body wash on it, and began to gently scrub his back.

The self-conscious, beautiful, lavender-eyed boy slowly began to relax as his brother's gentle hands caressed and cleansed him. And all the while, amidst the bubbles, Alfred would gently whisper how much he loved Mattie.

"_You're my world…."_

"_I love you…"_

"_Stay with me always…"_

"_My Mattie…"_

Mathieu felt himself lulled to sleep as Alfred's fingers delicately scrubbed at his scalp with an apple scented shampoo before rinsing his hair and him off. Strong arms lifted the drowsy Canadian from the bath and dried him off before taking him into his own room and dressing him in a nightgown. Alfred lay down with his little beauty, holding him close to his chest.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Mathieu was lulled into a peaceful sleep. His eyes closed once more to the beating of his brother's heart; his musky scent filling his nostrils and letting comfort spread through his body. This was perfect, he decided. Being right here meant that he was loved and always would be.

Even if he had been violated, it wasn't his fault.

* * *

Alfred watched his brother a long time after Mathieu had fallen asleep. He really was the most beautiful person the American had ever laid eyes on, and it made him proud to be able to call this perfect human his boyfriend. But Alfred had no time to just sit and watch his brother all day. No, he had some arrangements to make.

Slowly and gently, Alfred slipped from his brother's timid grasp and covered him with the soft comforter. He gave him a loving kiss on the forehead before grabbing his cell phone and heading downstairs. Once seated on the big couch in the living room, Alfred scrolled through his contacts before stopping on when and pressing the call button.

"Hello?"

Alfred felt a chill go up his spine as Ivan Braginski answered his call. "Hey, Ivan. It's Alfred."

There was a pause before Ivan responded again. "What is it you need from me, Alfred? We aren't on good terms, da?"

"I know…but I need your help." Alfred took a deep breath. "It's about Natalia."

"I heard what she did to Matvey. And believe me…I was not pleased. Matvey is fragile; like a fresh snowfall. No one should hurt him."

Alfred smiled slightly in relief. He knew that Ivan, no matter how frightening and huge he was, he had a soft spot for Mattie since they were kids. Which is exactly why he'd called him. Even though Ivan and Natalia were related, the Russian never tolerated anyone hurting what he cared about. Even if it meant that his sister would die, he'd get the revenge asked from him.

"Will you help me take Natalia out?" Alfred held his breath as he waited for the answer.

Ivan didn't keep him waiting more than a few minutes. "Of course, Alfred. Anything to help our little Matvey. But may I ask what the plan is, da?"

Alfred let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he had been holding and nodded before he realized that Ivan couldn't see him do so. "Yes, of course. It would be easier to explain it in person though. Could I come over there?"

"Da. Of course. Feliks and Toris are here, though. Is that alright?"

The American smiled wryly to himself. Well….wasn't this turning out perfect? "Of course…actually they were part of the plan."

Alfred hung and not a half hour later he found himself at the Russian's large, uptown mansion of a house. Anyone who saw the house would never have believed that it was the home of a Russian powerhouse. The outer walls were a cream colour with high arching stain glass windows. Up on the higher levels of the home was where the windows one could actually see out of were; balconies overlooking the lush garden and beautiful water fixture jutted out elegantly from what were obviously the bedrooms. Alfred glanced at the water fixture, what he assumed was some ice skater, before walking up the steps and raising his fist to knock on the door.

He never got the chance to before the door was flung open and Alfred was staring down at none other than the pink and sparkly queen, Feliks Łukasiewicz.

"Like, you're late! And where the hell is my chai tea latte?" Feliks huffed, stepping to the side to let Alfred in.

Alfred simply chuckled and handed an iced coffee cup to the Polish boy. "Here. Happy now?"

Feliks' eyes lit up and he nodded happily, sucking happily on the straw while dragging Alfred along to the parlor with his free hand. He let go of the American's hand long enough to push the parlor doors open and then closed once inside.

"Like, sit, sit! I'll tell Liet and Ivan that you're, like, here!" Feliks peeped before running off through a side door.

Alfred chuckled again and sat down on the couch, stretching his arms out over the back. His cerulean eyes glanced around the room, taking in the simple regality of it. The windows were high arched and crystal clear, giving a perfect view of the rose garden with its winding paths and statuesque plants. Portraits of scenery in Russia adorned the wall and the quiet fireplace held little pictures of Ivan's family on it.

Spotting a photo the piqued his interest, Alfred stood and walked over to the mantle. He lifted the frame carefully; a slight smile graced his lips. It was off him, Mattie, Ivan and Natalia when they were kids. Back then they'd been thicker then thieves. But of course that had been before he and Natalia dated and even earlier then when Ivan took over their family's business. They were happier times.

And they could never go back to them.

"I see you've made yourself at home. Is the parlor to your liking?"

Alfred turned to smile and shrug at Ivan, setting the picture back down on the mantle. "Eh, it's alright. Needs a little bit more Americanization but whatevs."

Ivan just chuckled and sat in a large leather chair, motioning for Alfred to take a seat again. The American did without complaint, crossing his legs so his left ankle was on his right knee and placed an arm over the back of the couch again. He glanced around with an arched eyebrow.

"Where'd Toris and Feliks go?"

"Like, we're right here~!" Feliks squealed as he came bounding in, dragging Toris along with him. He sat the Lithuanian down before plopping himself down in his lap, successfully covering the quieter man in glitter. "We just had some things to…arrange!"

Alfred laughed at the face Toris was making, one of complete confusion and embarrassment. He'd always liked the quiet brunette man, even if he was a bit too quiet to hang out with and take partying. That was where Feliks came in handy. Even though the Polish boy insisted on wearing women's clothing whenever he could, he knew how to party and have a good time. Alfred had found himself with a lapful of the pink wonder more than one time with his tongue shoved down the others throat.

No that he'd ever tell Mathieu, of course.

"So, like…what's the plan, Al?" Feliks quipped, finally done with his squirming.

Ivan and Toris both turned their gazes onto the American, obviously awaiting his reply.

Alfred sighed and ran a hand back through his hair before beginning. "Mattie and I have been talking and we've decided that going to jail would be too good for Natalia," he paused to make sure he had their undivided attention, which he did. "Now, Mattie isn't generally a violent person, but these are all his ideas. He wants everything that Natalia did to him to be done to her. Which would be attempted rape, multiple beatings, and the demolition of her psyche." Alfred looked directly at Ivan for this, both their expression steely and cold before Alfred's lips curled up into a cruel smirk very unlike the American. "Or we could just kill her. But those are my own…personal feelings."

Ivan, Feliks and Toris stayed quiet for a long while, but Alfred didn't take his gaze off of the Russian. But when it was the Lithuanian who was the first to speak, all eyes were turned onto him.

"Destroying the psyche is what we're good at…isn't it, Feliks?" Toris drawled, an unfamiliar smirk gracing his lips.

Feliks giggled and nodded, swinging his legs like a child excited to go out and play. "Uh huh! Like, Liet and I could totally do all of that for you!" His eyes narrowed and the same dark smirk graced his lips, his voice losing that childish and girlish lilt. "We don't like Natalia either."

Alfred was in shock. He had no idea how to respond to the sudden darkness overtaking two of the kindest people he knew. Especially Toris, as far as Alfred knew he couldn't even kill a spider. But if they were really going to offer their help he wasn't going to say no.

"I think that's a splendid idea, da!" Ivan leaned back in his seat, grinning childishly and folded his hand on his lap. "We'll get right to it!"

Alfred nodded in thanks and stood to leave before another thought crossed his mind. "If you do plan to kill her, don't tell Mattie. I don't think he could handle someone dying because of him."

Ivan nodded solemnly and watched the American go with that same childlike expression. Once he was sure Alfred was out of earshot, he looked to his two prized friends.

"Feliks, Toris…" he practically purred, walking over and leaning down close to them. They both stared up at him without fear; eyes curious and vaguely innocent.

"Let's go get my sister."

Toris and Feliks both smirked darkly and nodded in agreement. "Yes, Boss."

* * *

When Mattie woke up he wasn't surprised to find out that Alfred was gone. He'd figured that his brother had gone to speak with Ivan and tell him his plans. But he still felt alone in their big empty house. Their parents wouldn't be home for a long while and Mathieu just didn't know what to do with himself.

He contemplated going down and cooking dinner but just couldn't find the motivation too. Even with his stomach growling and yelling at him for not eating, Mathieu was too comfortable in the plush comfort that was Alfred's bed. He'd always loved the red, white and blue comforter that Al had bought at the same time as he himself had bought his red and white maple leaf patterned one. Papa had laughed at them and said "They truly are brothers! Two country flags to adorn their room, Angleterre!" To wish their Dad had just rolled his eyes and smiled.

For a long while Mattie just lay on Alfred's bed and stared up at the ceiling, mapping out intricate patterns with his lavender eyes. But then his thoughts drew him in and he began to day dream of a life without Natalia. To him it seemed absolutely perfect. Long nights curled up in Alfred's arms and a life of not having to be afraid to go outside seemed to be a wonderful way to spend a life. When Mattie finally heard his brother come through the front door, he launched himself off the bed and ignored his pain as he dashed down stairs.

Alfred looked up and grinned at Mattie before his eyes grew wide as the little Canadian barreled into his arms. Mattie clung to him, smiling happily.

"I missed you, Al…" he murmured shyly, hiding his face in his brother's chest.

Alfred chuckled and wrapped his arms around Mathieu's slim waist, nuzzling his hair gently. The scent of apple and one of purely Mathieu filled his senses and he found he couldn't get enough. "I missed you too," he whispered back.

Mattie squeaked as he was bundled into his brother's arms for the second time that day and brought upstairs. This time when Alfred decided to ravish him, he had not complaints. He loved Alfred more than anything and knew he would never hurt him.

And at exactly that same time, in one of the deepest, darkest rooms in Ivan's house, he and Toris were holding Natalia by her arms. The witch stared in horror as Feliks swayed towards her. Her eyes couldn't leave the knife at the pink princess' side.

"Wh-What are you doing?" she stammered, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

Feliks giggled, his hair falling in his face as he held the knife at his side with delicate fingers wrapped around the strong handle. The pink princess stopped in front of his enemy, words slowly bubbling from his perfectly polished lips.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat…" he purred, looking up at Natalia with deep green eyes. A sick pleasure reverberated through his body as he saw the witch's fear. "How I wonder where you're at…will you live and reach your fate…or be used as evil bait…for a king who hates you say…know that pain which Mattie knows!"

With a final maniacal giggle, Feliks raised his hand a sliced through Natalia's stomach. Blood splattered his pink dress and porcelain skin but not once did he flinch. He flicked his little tongue out licked a drop of blood from his lip as Toris and Ivan dropped Natalia to the ground.

Natalia looked up at them as her vision started going black. She reached out a hand to Ivan, tears falling down her cheeks. "Br..other…?" she whispered her last word before everything was black and it was done.

Mathieu knew nothing of the death befalling his tormentor. He only knew the pleasure of his brother inside him and the intense love emanating from deep inside himself. He would never know what happened. Just one day Natalia would be gone and no one would ever talk about her again. It would be as if she never existed.

But that would be alright with Mathieu. He would never want to know. And when Gilbert and Ismael came and asked for his forgiveness, he would give it to them. He couldn't hate, he could only feel emotions for caring and love now. But he would never forget what happened, no one else would ever touch him but Alfred, and that was how it was meant to be.

As Mathieu lay in bed curled up against Alfred after their first love making, he gazed at his love's face. A soft smile flit across his lips and he snuggled closer into Alfred's chest. This was perfection, right here. Everything about his life now would be perfect. And it was wonderful.

"I Am Loved."

* * *

**This is the final chapter. All finished. After this I just have to put up the epilogue and then I Am Broken will be officially over. But before I do that, I'll probably put up the first chapter of my next story, which should be up within the week. It's called Murder Tramp and it's all about how our little Mattie does not like to share. Here, have a little teaser:**

_The beautiful blonde Canadian felt bad for the ember. He knew how it felt to be rejected by the people he loves most and discarded as past garbage. Mathieu wasn't even sure he could feel anything else but sadness and rejection when he was alone. And without Alfred around his mind was a deep set tempest of negative thoughts and emotions that had the power to drag down even the happiest of people._

_The bandages encircling his wrists proved that fact._

**I hope everyone will be interested enough to read it.**

**I love you all,  
Superschwiizer**


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